broken before breaking

I am depressed
It's been held surpressed
Now it's haunting me
Is this how it has to be?
I wanna say Fuck this
But a smile is to much to miss
I feel like I'm going to cry
Why do I feel like all you do is lie?
Never break my heart
It would tear me apart
I wanna end this pain
I feel fucking insane
But I swear,I will never hurt you
Even if I'm black and blue
I will be the first to cry,and the last
Why does happiness leave so fast?