Publicaly unpublicated

The choices I've made
Led me to the dark pit
Where the other choices are made blind
And evoke emotions
That are unfit,
But they're still so deafening
That I can't hear my comrade,
A gun shot
Goes off
But I convince myself
It's
Not
That
Bad.
And I see their lips move
In painful twinges
Of
Suffering
Of
Guilt,
Cemented frames of gums
To my drums
Playing out walls they've built.
I see their brows furrow
And watch my unhelpful words pull;
I only dare to kiss them
To the very moment until
They need me,
They need my real words
But I've lost myself
To my pen.
I've lost myself.
Shit.