I only hear the silence

The only thing I can hear is the silence,
There's nothing there,
I lay awake and wait for white noise,
Then I wait for it to turn black,
I wait to close my eyes on a dreamless sleep,
And let go of my restlessness.

I can only hear silence,
I dig my nails into skin,
In hope for some relief,
A release,
I don't cry out,
The silence is impenetrable,
I can't hear even my heartbeat over the sound.

I pray for voices in the background,
Anything but this,
My fingernails break the skin,
I'm still reduced to this,
This deathly quiet.

I know someone is talking,
But I don't hear a word,
All that's said is meaningless,
It doesn't matter,
I can only hear the silence.

The silence is difficult to stand,
It falls so heavily on my ears,
I may crumble below the pressure,
Still I dare not break it,
Though I've torn my hand apart.

I can only hear the silence,
It keeps me company and prisoner,
I'm protected from the lies and hurt,
The damage of the spoken word,
But I pray for white noise,
And it's fade to black,
So I don't have to only hear,
Only hear the silence.