To make light out of darkness

The lighter I make of things the less I feel the weight that life brings. I find content in my self-deceit and try to distort the truths I see. And the more I numb the pains, the tighter my baggage’s chains become, and its hard meeting life half way when I can barely stand it’s even harder pretending I'm ok when I can barely care for waking the next day. It is weird how no one seems to realize I feel this way when I see so many people how many times a day.

I can’t stand you, displaying your over-embellished victimhood, you thought it was a game that no one else would get, you took so much satisfaction it the attention you got playing the ‘look at me I’m hurt’ card to get you the spot light every time you felt it was gone. I used to fall for it, thinking you have felt my pain only to realize all you want is fame. After a covered up hurt look and hiding my angry tears, now every time I hear you spouting off your mouth making me roll my eyes feeling the need to shout. How can you make ups these plights just to gather every ear?

I’m laying here wondering what dog-blue pills I can take to sleep forever, wondering why I keep waking up, wondering why I keep going, wondering why. I feel like I’ll be wondering till I die. So I keep running in the past just to feel the winds of time and ignoring the things I see that I wished I missed the first time and dreaming in false dreams relishing in the distraction of fandoms. Falling from moods and persevering my façade as I run towards the path of so-called self-destruction. On-going search of pleasure releases and playing with triggers and my glass shard covered portico painted with the thoughts I hold. I sew a sea of flooding emotions in witching hours. I’m pouring out my heart and soul into lost words and forgetting every moment that I don’t feel ok.