deepundergroundpoetry.com
Girl
She happened upon him
in
the snow he was almost
ashamed
at being discovered alone
amid
the pines but he saw from
her
expression that she had
understood
about them in the frozen
cold
there was a confused hiss
of
clouds and stars it was such
a
hypnotic sound that they tilted
their
heads to stare at the chirping
crackling
rhythmically beating fast-flowing
cloud
that was traveling almost gliding
as
if on steel runners:
was this a reflective-mirror of themselves?
in
the snow he was almost
ashamed
at being discovered alone
amid
the pines but he saw from
her
expression that she had
understood
about them in the frozen
cold
there was a confused hiss
of
clouds and stars it was such
a
hypnotic sound that they tilted
their
heads to stare at the chirping
crackling
rhythmically beating fast-flowing
cloud
that was traveling almost gliding
as
if on steel runners:
was this a reflective-mirror of themselves?
Published 9th Nov 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 8
reads 737
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Nov 2013 4:36pm
its like a non-stop rhythmic love flowing, this one with such imageries you capture, "confused hiss of clouds & stars", "Hynotic sound"...loved this read, makes me a deep-dive inside your words every time marcella! ~Uma
12th Nov 2013 4:37pm
Anonymous
9th Nov 2013 4:44pm
This immediately reminds me of the scene in "The never ending story" when Atreyu walks through the winter mirrored valley and sees himself as a reflection of Bastian.
http://youtu.be/3ISlqAvcsX0
Probably wasn't intentional, but I loved that magical fantasy image it evoked in my mind.
Thank you for the read.
http://youtu.be/3ISlqAvcsX0
Probably wasn't intentional, but I loved that magical fantasy image it evoked in my mind.
Thank you for the read.
12th Nov 2013 4:39pm
I never saw "The never ending story." Thanks for the comparions and liking the poem.
marcella1
marcella1
Anonymous
- Edited 10th Nov 2013 1:19am
10th Nov 2013 1:18am
<< post removed >>
12th Nov 2013 4:40pm
11th Nov 2013 9:33pm
I really like how the images confront you at such rate that you have no time to really piece something whole together or to make decisions about what's happening - I think that must be the best way to tell a story. And I think the line breaks work really well alongside that, it's like getting a glimpse of something between these long tree-trunk lines, but not being able to see it fully, which adds a kind of tension or feeling of being a slight away from fulfilled, to the poem, I think, though subtly.
I don't think the last line works as well: feels like an intrusion on the scene, and much too like it's trying to divine some importance or meaning out of an image that feels like it just wants to be let alone to sit in its snowy disquiet.
I don't think the last line works as well: feels like an intrusion on the scene, and much too like it's trying to divine some importance or meaning out of an image that feels like it just wants to be let alone to sit in its snowy disquiet.
12th Nov 2013 4:42pm
