deepundergroundpoetry.com
Defeat
I hate vulnerability
so I am venonmous.
I hate to care so much
and know it
ends
with everyone, everytime.
But it's become difficult
to deny the first
shift to happiness
when everything is
in constant grey-scale.
But I will let this
happen
again, and I will let
you break me
again.
so I am venonmous.
I hate to care so much
and know it
ends
with everyone, everytime.
But it's become difficult
to deny the first
shift to happiness
when everything is
in constant grey-scale.
But I will let this
happen
again, and I will let
you break me
again.
Published 3rd Nov 2013
| Edited 5th Nov 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
3rd Nov 2013 3:07am
<< post removed >>
3rd Nov 2013 11:28am
this is good but last two lines can be done better. try not to use words like 'sort of'... use something more convincing...
also you could shorten the second last stanza... too many pointless words in there, whatever, which come from, you know... it leaves a stronger impact if you tighten it...
fancy that, this is the kind of advice bragg used to give me... i miss bragg :(
also you could shorten the second last stanza... too many pointless words in there, whatever, which come from, you know... it leaves a stronger impact if you tighten it...
fancy that, this is the kind of advice bragg used to give me... i miss bragg :(
3rd Nov 2013 2:12pm
I will take that into account (I hurriedly scribbled and posted it, as you can tell.)
Who is Bragg?
Who is Bragg?
4th Nov 2013 2:01pm
Steve Bragg (braggman) he used to be a member on DUP until the trolls killed his mood and he left.
4th Nov 2013 3:16pm
5th Nov 2013 6:58am
awesome read i really like your work very talented in my opinion at least
5th Nov 2013 11:41am
