What Happened To Me?

What happened to the me that lived off Ntozake Shange and Erykah Badu? The feministic, liberal me? The hippie-natured, poetic me? The natural, short-haired and content me? I miss her. I miss me. I miss ranting, for hours on end, about issues such as sexual inequality and the world's lack of poetic appreciation. I miss getting emotional over politics and studying fine literature out of my own free will. I miss my sentimentality. Who is this new girl who has taught her tongue to practice limits? Who is this new girl who added "shut up" into her to-do list? Where is the girl who dreamt of changing the world one day? Where is the strong-willed, outspoken little lady who used to inhabit this body? All I know is, I miss her. I used to be so confident, so stubborn and independent, what happened to that? This sudden need for people's approval; where does it sprout from? Remember when you used to spend your days doing nothing but dissect Warsan Shire poetry? When your physical appearance didn't bother you in the slightest? Now all you care about is fashion, makeup, weaves and "love". The same love that has messed you up. YOU HAVE BECOME SO SHALLOW. I RESENT YOU, MAKHOTSO, FOR DOING THIS TO US, TO ME! You are made of so much more than this. You are worth so much more than the path you are seemingly choosing to tread. You are 19 and too precious for this shit. Wake up.