last chance

Feeling no better that usual. Texting him. He wants to know when I am coming home I tell him soon. I ask if he misses me and he says yes. I think I read and re-read that message twenty times befor I got over it. Even now I dont knwo what to think. Does that night meen anything? Lately I almost dont want to give up the fantisy of me and him. He waited for me, two hours, then stayed with me till one a.m. I still cant believe it. I am falling and I can feel it. It hurts more than it should to see him but dont get the same as when we are alone. When I see him I want him, when I want him I cant have him. Maybe he is changeing, thats a problem, I love the way he is now. I want his stupid,funny self. Seeing him in front of em but knowing he is so far away from the man he is when we are alone. Knowing he could have anyone he wants but he chooses me anyway. Is it because I am easy? Does he like me the same as I like him? If not will he ever? I could make him, show him the real me, maybe it would help. But is it worth loosing my other over? My other knows most but not all. Will I tell him? NO! NO! Of corse not. I could never. Im not sure if I wiuld loose him but it could never be good. They tell me I am wrong, he could never change. He is the way he is, he cheats, he lies, he drinks, he smokes, and he gets high, but despite all of that, I AM falling, it seems I can not help it anymore. I know it was just a matter of time, befor the break, befor the fall, befor everything I knew fell apart again. But this time it is better, I am not sarrowful, I am happy. I feel like me again, even if it is only for a little while.