deepundergroundpoetry.com
Oct. 23, 2013 ~ On a Wednesday...
It is noon (or close to it) on the third day of me sobriety. My fingers twitch and jolt about menacingly, as though their soul purpose is to detour their dexterity; to ensure no word of my self inflicted misery is ever left on a page. But they did not intend on my patience working for a change. I have, indeed, been out of contact, so to speak, for an extended length of time.
The bones in my legs ache for relief; my brain shouting their silence-for it too, yearns for the calming inhalation of narcotic fumes. Synapses shooting off in unknown directions, searching for some part of conscience (or subconscious) to get the better of me and track down the sickly-sweet serum it and I, so badly desire.
But I know that I must trudge on, through my consuming pain and suffering. I must continue on my journey to cleanliness, for my love rests in the fate of my willpower. Shall I show up at his doorstep, empty handed and full of regret, or shall I shine on to the other side of his threshold bearing a smiling, warm face and on honest soul? One will claim the latter.
I will keep the fight strong, and my willpower iron clad. I shall rise above this terrible affliction and spit upon it. For the activities I truly crave are that of far more substantial consequence, than that of 'getting high'.
A contract to myself,
Alley Olsen 10/23/13
The bones in my legs ache for relief; my brain shouting their silence-for it too, yearns for the calming inhalation of narcotic fumes. Synapses shooting off in unknown directions, searching for some part of conscience (or subconscious) to get the better of me and track down the sickly-sweet serum it and I, so badly desire.
But I know that I must trudge on, through my consuming pain and suffering. I must continue on my journey to cleanliness, for my love rests in the fate of my willpower. Shall I show up at his doorstep, empty handed and full of regret, or shall I shine on to the other side of his threshold bearing a smiling, warm face and on honest soul? One will claim the latter.
I will keep the fight strong, and my willpower iron clad. I shall rise above this terrible affliction and spit upon it. For the activities I truly crave are that of far more substantial consequence, than that of 'getting high'.
A contract to myself,
Alley Olsen 10/23/13
Published 24th Oct 2013
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25th Oct 2013 1:00am
I'm very proud of you. I'm going the same route. Unfortunately, today was my day 3. So proud...till it was right in my face. All I can do is start again though! You're doing a great job. I know how hard it is. Great write. A lot of luck to you!
18th Apr 2015 5:58pm
I just had to say that (even though this may be too little too late) I want you to know your bit of encouragement helped me out a great deal. There were times when I thought about picking up the tinfoil again and just saying fuck it. Thankfully an incredibly thoughtful stranger took time out of her day, to let me know she was out there and proud of me for taking those first baby steps. I would be lying if I told you I didn't pull this up just to reread the motivating comment you left for me. This October I will have 2 years off that shit under my belt and I attribute some of my success to you, stranger. I hope you are doing well and are also still clean, or clean again, even if for the hundredth time. If not, then what better time to start than now? Unless of course, you don't want to and if that's the case, then all the more power to ya, I know how annoying it is to have someone preach about sobriety and breathe constant "holier-than-thou" bullshit down your neck. I was just thinking about you the other day and wanted to let you know how much you actually helped in my path to sobriety and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your meaningful comment. There are not enough words to properly convey how immensely grateful I truly feel towards your act of kindness. If ever you are in a jam and want an unbiased, new person to talk to, please feel free to message me; if you want to bounce poem ideas off someone, I'm your gal; or even if you just want to shoot the shit, I'm only a few keystrokes away. Thank you again and in case I forgot to tell you, in this novel of mine, I am also proud of you. Even if you relapsed or are a daily user now, I am still incredibly proud of you for taking those crucial and painful, first few steps. It takes a very strong individual to not only realize they have a problem, but to then put into motion the necessary actions to rid themselves of said problem. You are strong as nails and I am proud of what you have accomplished. Keep on keepin' on, my dear stranger. No, my friend. Thank you again and until next time, I bid you aideu.
