I just might die

My anxiety
my weekness
nothing but hatred towards myself
full of nothing but excuses.
People say their rooting for me
but some are just judging...
their unconscious way of saying it
leaves me wondering.
Yah, so I fucked up
I don't want to any more.
Its hard, it sucks
I want to slam that door.
Pretend like it never affected me
that it doesn't have so much of a hold...
but the shakes come, my stomach is sick
the temptation begins to unfold.
I'm not strong enough
I'm really fucking weak
I want to be good, do good for her
help is what I seek.
I hate myself for today
I just gave in...
Damnit, I'm so fkn ashamed
and I just continue to sin.

People commend me for trying
it makes me feel good inside
but then I get on my side of town
making me go for that ride.
Don't do it, they say...
You have that little girl to worry about
It's not that I don't love her
I just don't know any other way.
I tell myself
I don't use enough
but just one hit can do it
I'm just not tough.
I can't say for today on out
I'm done..for real this time.
All I can say is I'm trying
I'm going to end up dying.