deepundergroundpoetry.com
Golden Sunset 🌅
Rays of sunlight
shining through the clouds
over the ocean
of calm waters.
Seagulls soaring,
In the sky above
boats sailing
across the sea.
The sun's set,
turning everything golden.
What a beautiful view,
the evening ocean is.
~~All my poems are copyright of 2012 and 2013. No part of my poems are to be copied without my permission. Thank you!
shining through the clouds
over the ocean
of calm waters.
Seagulls soaring,
In the sky above
boats sailing
across the sea.
The sun's set,
turning everything golden.
What a beautiful view,
the evening ocean is.
~~All my poems are copyright of 2012 and 2013. No part of my poems are to be copied without my permission. Thank you!
Published 17th Oct 2013
| Edited 6th Nov 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
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comments 14
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th Oct 2013 4:49am
very nice observation of mother nature , u my brother are gifted with a very good ability to observe n write about nature.,. read ur poem about autumn,
, was great as well .. keep up the good work ..
cyanide...
, was great as well .. keep up the good work ..
cyanide...
17th Oct 2013 2:06pm
Thank you so much, i appreciate it!
"U my brother" ... You mean "sister"? I'm a girl. Haha but it's ok! :D
"U my brother" ... You mean "sister"? I'm a girl. Haha but it's ok! :D
17th Oct 2013 11:19pm
18th Oct 2013 00:08am
17th Oct 2013 6:42am
17th Oct 2013 2:09pm
18th Oct 2013 1:13am
18th Oct 2013 1:29am
Thank you for reading it I appreciate it. :)
I love the ocean too! But I live to far from it otherwise I would go everyday! haha
I love the ocean too! But I live to far from it otherwise I would go everyday! haha
i'm curious, in the second stanza, are the boats sailing from one end of the sea to the other, or are they being viewed from across the sea? if it is the first of those, then of course the third line of the second stanza needs no comma--just--making sure of your intentions with that stanza there.
if it is the latter of those two, then it's a small sea, right? otherwise you'd be viewing the boats through a telescope? i mean, i've watched ships from far out across the east-west width of lake michigan. any farther than that you'd probably need a telescope or at least a good pair of binoculars.
maybe this sea is a lake?
regarding seagulls, it's really been more their cries that affect me. that or their perching atop lightposts and walking around in parking lots. though i can see how their soaring has a sort of smooth and almost majestic way about it.
your last two lines in this poem, they seem awkward in the way that they make sort of a forced-sounding emotional statement, and this kind of a poem doesn't seem to need that kind of a blatant statement of how beautiful something is. you show us how beautiful it all is through the whole rest of the poem, but here at the end of it you have to tell us how beautiful it is, and simply by saying something like, "how beautiful"? it severely degrades the poem as a whole.
if it is the latter of those two, then it's a small sea, right? otherwise you'd be viewing the boats through a telescope? i mean, i've watched ships from far out across the east-west width of lake michigan. any farther than that you'd probably need a telescope or at least a good pair of binoculars.
maybe this sea is a lake?
regarding seagulls, it's really been more their cries that affect me. that or their perching atop lightposts and walking around in parking lots. though i can see how their soaring has a sort of smooth and almost majestic way about it.
your last two lines in this poem, they seem awkward in the way that they make sort of a forced-sounding emotional statement, and this kind of a poem doesn't seem to need that kind of a blatant statement of how beautiful something is. you show us how beautiful it all is through the whole rest of the poem, but here at the end of it you have to tell us how beautiful it is, and simply by saying something like, "how beautiful"? it severely degrades the poem as a whole.
Well, I meant the boats are sailing from one end to the other. But I guess however the readers want to look at it...
"Maybe the sea is a lake"... Maybe. Again, however the readers want to see it.
When I wrote it, I was describing what I saw. There were boats sailing across the water (one end to the other). I thought it was a beautiful view.
Anyway, thank you all so much for taking the time to read it and comment. I appreciate it very much! :)
"Maybe the sea is a lake"... Maybe. Again, however the readers want to see it.
When I wrote it, I was describing what I saw. There were boats sailing across the water (one end to the other). I thought it was a beautiful view.
Anyway, thank you all so much for taking the time to read it and comment. I appreciate it very much! :)
19th Oct 2013 3:44am
ok then, i guess i'd say the comma at the end of the third line of the second stanza has to go. it's really not necessary, and you'll be more respected by a few more people if you get rid of it.
it is, on the whole, a beautiful piece.
it is, on the whole, a beautiful piece.
19th Oct 2013 4:18am
Thank you very much, I appreciate it!
" the comma at the end of the third line of the second stanza has to go. it's really not necessary,"
Yeah you're probably right there. Ok I'll fix that. Thank you!
" the comma at the end of the third line of the second stanza has to go. it's really not necessary,"
Yeah you're probably right there. Ok I'll fix that. Thank you!
20th Oct 2013 2:47am
iyam an everyday(evening) beach bum....literally there everyday
photographing the most amazin skies eye've ever seen, the waves, 'portraits' of shells, of which there are many millions here, with new supplies coming each day. All photos that are with my po'ems were plucked out of my own eye. Ha.
a very lovely seaside write
photographing the most amazin skies eye've ever seen, the waves, 'portraits' of shells, of which there are many millions here, with new supplies coming each day. All photos that are with my po'ems were plucked out of my own eye. Ha.
a very lovely seaside write
20th Oct 2013 2:50am
Wow you're lucky! I would love to be at a beach right now.
Thank you so much for reading my poem, I appreciate it!
Thank you so much for reading my poem, I appreciate it!
