deepundergroundpoetry.com
Epic .......... " bonnie and clyde sequel "
ear on the ground listen for the tones of them coming
full force to come tear us apart
outlaws
wreckless
emboldened by our hearts as they collided
throws sparks ..... arcing
streaks of light burning
flicker of a candel that drips its wax across our arms
emotions lost in this wirl wind of effections
words can not express this
containment is hopless
we're overflowing
a raging flood
a drum of bullets pushed out the window
spilling led with conviction.... swerving
just trying to keep this feeling alive
i've been numb for so long untill our hearts collided
so sick the sweetness of your poison
eats in my viens like a cancer atacking this emptyness
filling in the voids colapsing this pilar of salt killing my spirit
carosive death
desperate for your eyes to unleash my demons
acklectic insanity disolves
somehow i know that no matter the outcome of these
explosions erupting all around us we'll see it through to the bitter end
pedel to the floor my hand in yours
your eyes are diamonds reflecting this distruction back into mine
our twisted limbs still clinging to each other
i know we wont make it but this is far enough for us
epic our heads leaning twords each other slumped over
shallow breathing
tears leaking down
people rush for souveinirs of us
infatuated
take a finger ...... an ear
bullet shells spent on us off the ground
flash bulbs shatter black and white picture
criminals of love to the very end
stole each others hearts
you saved me in every way imaginable
no regrets this is how it was ment to be
blood filling up the floorboards
they must kill what they do not understand
full force to come tear us apart
outlaws
wreckless
emboldened by our hearts as they collided
throws sparks ..... arcing
streaks of light burning
flicker of a candel that drips its wax across our arms
emotions lost in this wirl wind of effections
words can not express this
containment is hopless
we're overflowing
a raging flood
a drum of bullets pushed out the window
spilling led with conviction.... swerving
just trying to keep this feeling alive
i've been numb for so long untill our hearts collided
so sick the sweetness of your poison
eats in my viens like a cancer atacking this emptyness
filling in the voids colapsing this pilar of salt killing my spirit
carosive death
desperate for your eyes to unleash my demons
acklectic insanity disolves
somehow i know that no matter the outcome of these
explosions erupting all around us we'll see it through to the bitter end
pedel to the floor my hand in yours
your eyes are diamonds reflecting this distruction back into mine
our twisted limbs still clinging to each other
i know we wont make it but this is far enough for us
epic our heads leaning twords each other slumped over
shallow breathing
tears leaking down
people rush for souveinirs of us
infatuated
take a finger ...... an ear
bullet shells spent on us off the ground
flash bulbs shatter black and white picture
criminals of love to the very end
stole each others hearts
you saved me in every way imaginable
no regrets this is how it was ment to be
blood filling up the floorboards
they must kill what they do not understand
Published 16th Jan 2011
| Edited 17th Jan 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 13
reads 1013
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
16th Jan 2011 10:06pm
i wrote this in one shot from start to finish in an hour and that includes transfering it to this site enjoi :)
quite imagery with fairly enough described images.
is that a typo? : dimonds
the only thing i didn't like is the fact that you used so many dots with not a real purpose. it's not at all aesthetically pleasant
is that a typo? : dimonds
the only thing i didn't like is the fact that you used so many dots with not a real purpose. it's not at all aesthetically pleasant
16th Jan 2011 11:11pm
ya diamonds was a typo .... i use dots to break up the piece so i dont have to make anouther line keep them more compact guess i could just use spaces ?
Yeah, I agree with Opheliac. The dots are throwing everything off. I think if you just replaced them with spaces, that would be as distracting as the dots.
Don't be afraid of line breaks. They're useful. They're what separates poetry from prose. Line breaks in the right places can elevate words beyond their normal meanings. They can add emphasis. A single word on a line can be more powerful than the words that surround it. Don't be so concerned about keeping a poem visually compact, be more concerned about how a poem sounds as it's being read. Otherwise, this is a great piece.
Don't be afraid of line breaks. They're useful. They're what separates poetry from prose. Line breaks in the right places can elevate words beyond their normal meanings. They can add emphasis. A single word on a line can be more powerful than the words that surround it. Don't be so concerned about keeping a poem visually compact, be more concerned about how a poem sounds as it's being read. Otherwise, this is a great piece.
fixed it and i think almost everything i write is concidered a prose not sure let me know if im wrong about that
Yeah, this looks a whole lot better. It's easier to read, too. As for the whole poetry vs prose thing, I dunno. Personally, I would call what you write poetry as I would define poetry as saying something in the most beautiful way possible. "The right words in the right order." Whereas prose is more telling a story, and is not as concerned with word choice as it is moving the story forward. You, however, as the artist, have the right to define what your work is. If you define it as prose, then it's prose.
17th Jan 2011 5:54am
ya it makes it a lot easyer to read but now im goin back deleatin dots from all my shit and thats gunna take some time :( and i just think of my self as a creative writer
17th Jan 2011 7:06am
I loved reading this. It's extremely visual and I can picture a few scenes in my minds eye. Besides the strong emotive effect I get from this it brings me back to personal experiences, and the beauty in the wrong turns that we sometimes make. In other words, love it.
19th Jan 2011 1:51am
Anonymous
18th Jan 2011 10:43pm
<< post removed >>
19th Jan 2011 2:59am
thanks i will take this in a good way dude im not angery at ya feel free to write whatever you want but .......... if you do then know that you will get judged acordingly i wish you would write at least one solid poem to show that you actually give a flying fuck about what everyone here is trying to do not just put a fucked up tidel and rambled nonsence and wait for clicks that is not what its about i love writing and the disrespectfull shadow you cast with your attention getting does piss me off but to each his/her own but thats my opinion and you are sertainly entitled to yours so truce no truce what ever ............... but i wish you would try and contribute to this wonderfull art form :)
22nd Jan 2011 00:02am
22nd Jan 2011 6:16am
