The Phone Call

Years of saying maybe,
far too young yet the feelings were real.
A choice to make, with many options
and I made my case.

You made your choice.
It was obvious from the phone call
that was the final goodbye,
any ‘What if?’ questions permanently dispelled.

Better to be told than to wonder.
That small glimmer of hope as it was my phone that rang,
reality and nostalgia join hands to slap that away.
That full stop was written.

Years pass and the sadness that travelled with me
slipped slowly away.
Quiet moments saw my mind wander but never directly,
like you’re sat at the back of a packed hall and I know you’re there, even without looking.

Time brings denial.
My subsequent failures making a mockery of even believing
it was possible at all,
just an impossible dream that I cost myself or didn’t try hard enough to buy.

We meet again years later,
you asked if we were close back then.
You ask if there is a little part of me that wonders what might have been.
I don't ask what you feel, but I say yes, pointless though it is.

I knew it on the phone call.