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Whispering"s of the Moon
I have ice in my glass
and a fireplace burning
I have the wind blowing in
through the curtains
I can see the moonlight waning
and the trees yawning
I can hear the night whispering
to the sleeping moon
and a fireplace burning
I have the wind blowing in
through the curtains
I can see the moonlight waning
and the trees yawning
I can hear the night whispering
to the sleeping moon
Published 12th Oct 2013
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comments 7
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
12th Oct 2013 9:44pm
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13th Oct 2013 3:54am
13th Oct 2013 4:53am
13th Oct 2013 4:56am
Anonymous
13th Oct 2013 5:50am
Excellent imagery Tony. I like the piece very much but feel that it could be better without the repetitive personalization...
example:" I have ice in my glass...
I have the wind...
I can see....
I can hear........."
This is of course JMO but I feel it would produce more impact by losing the personalization on the 1st, 3rd and 5th lines..and dropping the 'can' in the 7th line..again Sir, only my opinion and who knows? I may be full of crap..lol
A good read with wonderful imagery.
and WELCOME! to DUP..I look forward to reading more from you.
~Tom
example:" I have ice in my glass...
I have the wind...
I can see....
I can hear........."
This is of course JMO but I feel it would produce more impact by losing the personalization on the 1st, 3rd and 5th lines..and dropping the 'can' in the 7th line..again Sir, only my opinion and who knows? I may be full of crap..lol
A good read with wonderful imagery.
and WELCOME! to DUP..I look forward to reading more from you.
~Tom
13th Oct 2013 7:03am
Thank you so much Tom, I find it a great delight in knowing what more I could have done to perfect the poem as I'm always trying better my craft at writing.
Anonymous
15th Oct 2013 5:48pm
<< post removed >>
