30 Years

They say the sadness will go away
But I find it so hard to believe what they say
Each day is like yesterday, tomorrow, last week
Trying so hard to find the help that I seek
I’m told it’s darkest before the dawn
It’s been dark in my world since the day I was born
The glass the knife the bottle the blood
My arms being opened the relief of the flood
But what of the after the guilt and the pain
The dismay of my loved ones there looks of disdain
I feel no remorse the cutting the stitching my way of life
It’s cost me my loved ones my children my wife
But still it continues compelling me on
Where will this end where as the sun gone
A self-harmers story there’s more to be told
How will this conclude how will it unfold
My mood seems to deepen depression sinks in
I pick up a knife I reach for my skin
I sink into sadness sorrow remorse
I know these old feelings things follow their course
Low self-esteem is it attention I seek
I feel like an outcast I feel like a freak
For 30 yrs now it’s been like this
I need my life back my family I miss
So I’ll take all the help that’s given me
I need to stop this abuse I need to be free
It’s a hard road ill travel a difficult road to tread
I’m a mixture of emotions and feelings of dread
I have to stop using others as an emotional prop
I need to pull my life together and the bloodletting to stop

this peice does not refer to me but a friend of mine and with his permission i wrote this peice