deepundergroundpoetry.com
ever, we are strangers
she told me love is a snake in the grass waiting to
destroy you, so I took my mower & cut a path of
naked earth all around the world. if there is no grass,
there are no snakes.
I know of a river in a forest that is a good place to hide.
the sun somehow avoids it, & every day is a night.
she told me my tears dried up long ago, so now when
I’m sad a plethora of dust accumulates & cascades into
madrigal air, like blind Ewoks falling off a cliff.
she’s way over there & I’m here; I can’t get there & she won’t
come here. when I die alone, she’ll still be fixing dinner.
I conceived a love story of a patch weld hero & a convenience
store princess, but it quaked on a foundation of vagaries, so
I wrote it on the wind.
she gave me a satin pillow & told me the kisses she wrote upon
it would sing concertina dreams, but I didn’t dream. she must
have used invisible lipstick.
she is ice. I am fire. If I approach her, she will melt &
wash over me, & briefly the steam will testify:
what fools love has made us.
Published 5th Oct 2013
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likes 11
reading list entries 1
comments 11
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The author encourages honest critique.
5th Oct 2013 3:02am
i've added this to my reading list--i was sold a bit by the fifth stanza, though the rest was really very very good also--really i couldn't have said it better, though i fear that may not be the compliment i want it to be here...
but i think the first stnaza is a bit um, unbeleivable--mowing the whole world and all--and that kind of kills it for me, and the ewoks, well...i have seen every star wars movie--even the last three--but um...i don't think it's quite powerful enough in everyone's mind for the "blind ewok" reference to really work here.
other than that--as i said, it's in my reading list.
but i think the first stnaza is a bit um, unbeleivable--mowing the whole world and all--and that kind of kills it for me, and the ewoks, well...i have seen every star wars movie--even the last three--but um...i don't think it's quite powerful enough in everyone's mind for the "blind ewok" reference to really work here.
other than that--as i said, it's in my reading list.
5th Oct 2013 3:05am
oh, ah...the title, the title seems a little...what?...out of date the way it's written, and i think it could be more in time with the times. really, great poem, but the title seems a little off in today's language context.
5th Oct 2013 3:16am
Experiences are what makes a person... its the oil that makes the gear turn and grind for the heart and soul to chug along... I see myself within this and also wonder why love creates such fools...
Anonymous
5th Oct 2013 3:20am
The line that hit me the most was the one about fixing dinner... time zones bite.
this is wonderful stuff...
this is wonderful stuff...
5th Oct 2013 6:39am
6th Oct 2013 5:14pm
A love story of lovers who will never find and never lose each other ... A bit like a fairy tail and tenderly written.
6th Oct 2013 7:27pm
From the first line you laid it down beautifully, "she told me love is a snake in the grass waiting to
destroy you, so I took my mower & cut a path of
naked earth all around the world. if there is no grass,
there are no snakes." How do I honor a piece like this? I tip my hat and say thanks for the pleasure of this wonderful work of art. Ink on fire!
destroy you, so I took my mower & cut a path of
naked earth all around the world. if there is no grass,
there are no snakes." How do I honor a piece like this? I tip my hat and say thanks for the pleasure of this wonderful work of art. Ink on fire!
6th Oct 2013 9:59pm
I hope this means something to you, but are you familiar with the comedian Steven Wright? Well, this is basically the poetic equivalent to him, and that is a good thing. Very nice, broken up, gets the mind thinking.
6th Oct 2013 10:42pm
thanks, I've seen Steven Wright, he has a very unique delivery. I can appreciate the comparison...
Anonymous
25th Nov 2013 8:29am
This is beautiful... don't know how else to describe it. Guess it feels like some combination of a fairy tale and an old romance movie. Either way, I love it.
26th Dec 2013 5:01am
