Sleepless in Suffolk

The sleepless nights have come again,
to peel apart my eyelids.
To prop with matchsticks,
like a weakened doll,
as I were in trance.

In waking sleep and distance of my mind,
I am travelling at a million miles a second,
moving not an inch.
And you are on my mind.
In every instant I am in,
in every breath and beat.
You are there in the music and the laughter and the smile,
and the tears and sobs and chokes.

I watch the sun set over my home,
the darkness fall again.
And alone, I lie,
to pass the time,
with you still in my head.

Where nightmare stirs and shivers in corners,
itching to prance and play.
Where memories ache and claw psychic walls,
stirring past in to present and salt in to wound.
I am lost in them all to often,
a drift in my sea of names.
I choke and swallow the gone and passed,
the sin of what has been,
like poison putting chill in my veins.

Advancing march of self-reflect,
boots of hardened scepticism,
harsh soles of critical eye.
I wonder if I pushed myself in to the fire.

Burning brightly in my cells,
that thunderous inferno roars.
And if you smile,
it shall not burn,
but leave me to dream at last.