deepundergroundpoetry.com
captain chicken-shit
some things said out loud
make people worry
for your mind
but maybe it’s just them
hating to hear
I’ve given up on living long
used to plan on retiring one day
to a big shed full of hot cars and good tools
was going to use that as home base
while I sailed the world
drifted around pacific islands
pounded across the Indian ocean
mooched up the Med
drinking fool-proof rum
telling once-was-great stories
while making plenty more;
grey-beard geezer
brown-footed
hearty motherfucker
can’t see it now
only see a lonely man
who chose it
not by choice
can’t hold the bright ideas tight
rot has come early
can’t pretend I’ll live past working age
burning my candle so hard
fine
doesn’t matter the length of the burn
or that I ever burned at all
no point
or glory
in being anyone’s late night story
“remember him?”
“yeah, shame...”
means nothin’
I’ll spend my dollars
now
spend my body
now
and fuck the fucking future
that empty promise
with its maybes
and one-days
even less use than the past
gonna start thinking a year ahead
max
earn the money
spend the money
get wet
fuck
sleep
drink
work
fuck
thrash the shit out of something good
yeah
I’m going down with my ship
gonna hack a hole in her
myself
Published 24th Sep 2013
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likes 15
reading list entries 4
comments 27
reads 1290
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
24th Sep 2013 1:41am
Maybe it's just my gothic tendency, but this poem picked up steam for me in its middle, with its talk of rot and going out in a blaze of glory. What would really push this piece over the edge into "great" territory is a few more images and metaphors indicating the rot, the anguish, the fury. You're on your way back from your slump, hemi. One thing: in L3 of S5 "choose" should be "chose". Thank you for the read.
24th Sep 2013 1:46am
Good man Jack, for the words of recognition/encouragement for where I'm 'at'....been staying quiet, waiting for the words to come...like I damn well should :-)
I actually cut all the images out, because felt too much like a pirate parody piece, and couldn't bear it...but I hear you Jack, Oh Lordy, I hear you :-)
h.h.
I actually cut all the images out, because felt too much like a pirate parody piece, and couldn't bear it...but I hear you Jack, Oh Lordy, I hear you :-)
h.h.
Anonymous
24th Sep 2013 1:56am
Why would you cut the images out?! I'm tempted to put you over my knee for that. Images are the soul of poetry. IMO, anyway.
24th Sep 2013 1:59am
24th Sep 2013 2:13am
Ha, I knew he wouldn't let your first comment go unanswered. Wish I had enough images myself to make a happyJack poem. It still works without them, though in a heady kind of way. I guess there isn't much you haven't been saying or hinting at for quite a while (except that calorie countng phase you had last year). More of a synopsis. I can't honestly say why I don't miss the imagery. It stil seems to be poetry without them. The pirate parody does sound funny though. Ah, fuck it, it ain't pretty, but it's real and it's damned good to read.
24th Sep 2013 2:19am
Mate...maybe I'll post the pirate parody version just to bring the joy :-)
(yes, Jack was always going to wade in with pseudo-sexual threats...man can't help himself :-)
Cheers for the love on this, and yes, it's a thought/thinking process I've been working around for a while...good to get it down so I can demand a decent death if I'm ever stuck in that whole dead/not dead grey area in a hospital bed somewhere I guess :-)
hh.
(yes, Jack was always going to wade in with pseudo-sexual threats...man can't help himself :-)
Cheers for the love on this, and yes, it's a thought/thinking process I've been working around for a while...good to get it down so I can demand a decent death if I'm ever stuck in that whole dead/not dead grey area in a hospital bed somewhere I guess :-)
hh.
25th Sep 2013 1:02am
24th Sep 2013 2:53pm
This is exactly what I want to do when I retire and add scuba diving to the mix:
"used to plan on retiring one day
to a big shed full of hot cars and good tools
was going to use that as home base
while I sailed the world
drifted around pacific islands
pounded across the Indian ocean
mooched up the Med
drinking fool-proof rum
telling once-was-great stories
while making plenty more;
grey-beard geezer
brown-footed
hearty motherfucker"
hemi, I got respect for you and I don't want you take this the wrong way, but may I suggest these lines instead:
used to plan on retiring one day
to a big shed full of hot cars and good tools
was going to use that as home base
while I sailed the world
drifting around pacific islands,
pounding across the Indian ocean,
mooching up the Med,
drinking fool-proof rum,
telling once-was-great stories
while making plenty more;
grey-beard geezer
brown-footed
hearty motherfucker
Just sayin' mate...would love to explore the deep, down under someday!
"used to plan on retiring one day
to a big shed full of hot cars and good tools
was going to use that as home base
while I sailed the world
drifted around pacific islands
pounded across the Indian ocean
mooched up the Med
drinking fool-proof rum
telling once-was-great stories
while making plenty more;
grey-beard geezer
brown-footed
hearty motherfucker"
hemi, I got respect for you and I don't want you take this the wrong way, but may I suggest these lines instead:
used to plan on retiring one day
to a big shed full of hot cars and good tools
was going to use that as home base
while I sailed the world
drifting around pacific islands,
pounding across the Indian ocean,
mooching up the Med,
drinking fool-proof rum,
telling once-was-great stories
while making plenty more;
grey-beard geezer
brown-footed
hearty motherfucker
Just sayin' mate...would love to explore the deep, down under someday!
25th Sep 2013 1:04am
Cheers man...and yes, the first draft was written that way, but the question of tense raised its ugly head and I went for the latter rather than the former....probably could be argued very well either way.
Good on you for giving a shit :-)
hh
Good on you for giving a shit :-)
hh
25th Sep 2013 1:28pm
24th Sep 2013 3:05pm
Good write hemi. That's right. Life on your own terms is not a wasted life. May we all go down with our own!
25th Sep 2013 1:05am
24th Sep 2013 3:54pm
I agree with Braggs, this classic grunt rambler works with the very subtle imagery that I think you've hinted to effortlessly in the piece.
Heaps of cool lines like "fool-proof rum" and "thrash the shit out of something good," make this worthy of a reading list and a jack-spanking. :)
I also like how the engine of this piece cranks over after S4 and then you cruise down to a ripping last line. Always so philosophical and fucking raw! Great read Hemi!
Heaps of cool lines like "fool-proof rum" and "thrash the shit out of something good," make this worthy of a reading list and a jack-spanking. :)
I also like how the engine of this piece cranks over after S4 and then you cruise down to a ripping last line. Always so philosophical and fucking raw! Great read Hemi!
25th Sep 2013 1:07am
Grunt rambler....love it :-) (I'm a notorious grunter...there are days when grunting is my full and complete vocabulary, and I'm not joking!)
Pleased you liked 'fool-proof rum'...was in love with it myself :-)
Cheers for swinging through feeling the joy.
h.H.
Pleased you liked 'fool-proof rum'...was in love with it myself :-)
Cheers for swinging through feeling the joy.
h.H.
Dig it..
At the risk of even slightly sounding cliche,
You only live once..
Quality, not quantity right?
Who wants to reach the golden ages anyways?
Bowels falling by the wayside.
Reaking to high heaven of ben-gay.
Out of your prime
repeating stories to youngsters
Who don't give a shit,
While wallowing in self pity and regret
For what you were unable to do.
May mine come swift,
With the force to do it right the first time
Because I'll be damned if I get old.
Great write hemi!! Truly enjoyed, and completely agree. Too fucking right.
At the risk of even slightly sounding cliche,
You only live once..
Quality, not quantity right?
Who wants to reach the golden ages anyways?
Bowels falling by the wayside.
Reaking to high heaven of ben-gay.
Out of your prime
repeating stories to youngsters
Who don't give a shit,
While wallowing in self pity and regret
For what you were unable to do.
May mine come swift,
With the force to do it right the first time
Because I'll be damned if I get old.
Great write hemi!! Truly enjoyed, and completely agree. Too fucking right.
25th Sep 2013 11:45pm
Ah well....it's a cliche' to say yeah fuck yeah to your cliche', but we're in too deep to stop now, so, "yeah fuck yeah" :-)
Good on you mate :-)
hh.
Good on you mate :-)
hh.
26th Sep 2013 00:07am
26th Sep 2013 7:42am
28th Sep 2013 6:09am
Jimmy Buffet is a fool, but I think Captain Chicken Shit is cool. Punch a hole into the prow, but live for glory here and now...... Keep the wake straight Mate......
28th Sep 2013 6:20am
28th Sep 2013 10:17am
3rd Oct 2013 11:58pm
the simplicity of the truth, Genius. (fucken i am going to regret that last word).
Ps did you buy the shiny silver beast?
Ps did you buy the shiny silver beast?
27th Oct 2013 10:39am
yes you fucking will mate :-)
didn't buy it...couldn't get to an idea of price we both agreed on, considering I'd need to store it....
there is one in my near future though...
didn't buy it...couldn't get to an idea of price we both agreed on, considering I'd need to store it....
there is one in my near future though...
27th Oct 2013 9:01am
27th Oct 2013 10:40am
Thank you M Smith....not a great poem, but a decent idea, told directly....
h.h.
h.h.
17th Feb 2014 5:23am
17th Feb 2014 9:30pm
Good man....I forget about these, so thanks for coming back through and reminding me :-)
hh
hh
