How it feels to be me

I close my eyes. Awkward Peace! Unbearable Silence! I feel somewhat strange and awkward in this shell that houses my trapped Soul. My mind fills with fragmented images and voices of the person that lives within this shell....... of nothingness.

I die and have died a thousand times in my mind. Time after time I fantasize about ending it all but somehow I can never find the courage to complete the task at hand, to end this torment.  

I seek what I know I can never attain ....... Happiness, like a fabled Tale of ancient lost treasure; so is Happiness to me. I feel this inconsolable sadness envelope me when it rains. Each droplet that falls feels as thought its the tears and pain of thousands of lost souls. Souls that cry out in regret. Regret ......... For not living, as I feel their pain wash over me .......... I can't seem to face my life the constant torment of helpless loneliness an abyss of dreadful darkness where my loneliness takes on a shape .....a voice ........ A darkling that whispers ....... with no voice of comfort.

I smile with cold eyes ...... No-one really knows how it feels looking through these eyes my, soul trapped a punishment far worst than eternal burning. I've tried and tried a million times over to reach through the darkness ...... My darkness ......... A place where the light cannot enter ........ Not of fear but for a foolish mistake of a Faustian deal ........ How young, how idealitic, how foolish .......... I was .......