deepundergroundpoetry.com
She's Sorry
She lays her head down on her pillow at night.
She looks out at the bright street lights.
What if she could fly away?
What would everyone say?
Would they miss her or even notice that she was gone?
I'm sure she wouldn't be gone long.
She could never tell them all goodbye.
Not missing them was just another lie.
She would hope and hope for the day that they actually cared.
She tossed and turned hoping that he was there.
She looked on the other side of the bed to see an empty space.
What could she do? She grabbed a pillow and hid her face.
Even alone she felt like a big failure.
She always knew that he didn't care.
She would write day in and day out.
All the poems about him and about how she wish she didn't doubt.
She's sorry that she's making you all read the same thing.
She's sorry that she can't think of anything.
He's always on her mind.
Taking up the space and making her blind.
Making her blind to what is actually in front of her.
This broken heart needed a cure.
She's trying to concentrate on someone else.
He can't make her feel the same way she once felt.
He makes her smile and he makes her laugh.
He takes the pain and cuts it in half.
She still thinks about the one that broke her down.
The one that turned her beautiful smile into a frown.
She has returned to the world of poetry for her sanity.
She doesn't want to lose what's left of her vanity.
Just read one more line.
You might like what you find.
She writes because she's all alone.
No one even seems to answer the phone.
She needs them and they ignore.
Ripping her right down to the core.
You don't have to read if you don't want to.
That's a decision that's all up to you.
Writing just helps her find a release.
She's sorry that you had to experience a little piece.
A little piece of her broken heart.
A heart that will never be once again a whole part.
She hopes to one day be whole again.
So, for now, enjoy this pen.
She looks out at the bright street lights.
What if she could fly away?
What would everyone say?
Would they miss her or even notice that she was gone?
I'm sure she wouldn't be gone long.
She could never tell them all goodbye.
Not missing them was just another lie.
She would hope and hope for the day that they actually cared.
She tossed and turned hoping that he was there.
She looked on the other side of the bed to see an empty space.
What could she do? She grabbed a pillow and hid her face.
Even alone she felt like a big failure.
She always knew that he didn't care.
She would write day in and day out.
All the poems about him and about how she wish she didn't doubt.
She's sorry that she's making you all read the same thing.
She's sorry that she can't think of anything.
He's always on her mind.
Taking up the space and making her blind.
Making her blind to what is actually in front of her.
This broken heart needed a cure.
She's trying to concentrate on someone else.
He can't make her feel the same way she once felt.
He makes her smile and he makes her laugh.
He takes the pain and cuts it in half.
She still thinks about the one that broke her down.
The one that turned her beautiful smile into a frown.
She has returned to the world of poetry for her sanity.
She doesn't want to lose what's left of her vanity.
Just read one more line.
You might like what you find.
She writes because she's all alone.
No one even seems to answer the phone.
She needs them and they ignore.
Ripping her right down to the core.
You don't have to read if you don't want to.
That's a decision that's all up to you.
Writing just helps her find a release.
She's sorry that you had to experience a little piece.
A little piece of her broken heart.
A heart that will never be once again a whole part.
She hopes to one day be whole again.
So, for now, enjoy this pen.
Published 22nd Sep 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Sep 2013 7:22pm
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Sep 2013 3:26pm
22nd Sep 2013 3:24pm
<< post removed >>
22nd Sep 2013 7:25pm
Yes, I have returned. Lol. Thank you immensely. I'm glad that you remember. cx Thank you for the comment. It means a lot. c:
22nd Sep 2013 8:06pm
23rd Sep 2013 5:06am
I find it interesting how you write about yourself in the third person and I think you come back to the central phrase (She's sorry) just the right number of times, you have that perfectly balanced with the rest of the poem, in my opinion. Very nice.
Your topic is defined well enough to carry the reader through the poem, but I recommend changing your first paragraph; otherwise, I feel you need to change the proportion of time your poem focuses on 'them' versus 'him'.
Personally, I would love to see this poem focus more on the 'them'--who are the different people troubling you and why? There are so many poems about broken hearts and guys that have treated their girls poorly, and there is nothing wrong with that topic, but there are not nearly as many discussing the other people in our lives that cause grief, pressures, or pain that we must deal with. That is merely a personal preference though--perhaps I'm simply burnt out on love poetry at the moment?--and if your real trouble is with 'him' then, indeed, that is what you should write about! Whatever it is, though, I'm sorry you are going through it, but it truly will be temporary and joy will come bouncing back into your life soon, I know. :)
On a more whimsical note, it would be really interesting to have stanzas describing unlikely things such as how the dog wouldn't know you were gone, or maybe a wry postulation about whether or not the USPS man would realize you were gone when the months went by with no issues of Cosmo to deliver...something unexpected, although it doesn't need to be humorous.
Good luck with everything.
Your topic is defined well enough to carry the reader through the poem, but I recommend changing your first paragraph; otherwise, I feel you need to change the proportion of time your poem focuses on 'them' versus 'him'.
Personally, I would love to see this poem focus more on the 'them'--who are the different people troubling you and why? There are so many poems about broken hearts and guys that have treated their girls poorly, and there is nothing wrong with that topic, but there are not nearly as many discussing the other people in our lives that cause grief, pressures, or pain that we must deal with. That is merely a personal preference though--perhaps I'm simply burnt out on love poetry at the moment?--and if your real trouble is with 'him' then, indeed, that is what you should write about! Whatever it is, though, I'm sorry you are going through it, but it truly will be temporary and joy will come bouncing back into your life soon, I know. :)
On a more whimsical note, it would be really interesting to have stanzas describing unlikely things such as how the dog wouldn't know you were gone, or maybe a wry postulation about whether or not the USPS man would realize you were gone when the months went by with no issues of Cosmo to deliver...something unexpected, although it doesn't need to be humorous.
Good luck with everything.
2nd May 2014 9:16pm
I really enjoyed your comment. (: Thanks for the ideas and everything. I really appreciate it. cx
