The Danger Outside

Numb from the pills
but I know I felt something last night
In fear of showing him the real me
Because the real me is an insecure wreck

Judgments he made about who I am
I stupidly told him he was right

I guess medication has its’ downsides
How long am I going to live this way?
Is this what my life has come to?
Addicted to the high –
The illusion of happiness

The thought of being with him means
I would eventually have to change myself
Will I throw away all of my dignity?

Control is hot in bed...
but forever?

Someone is going to die
and I haven’t had the luck to die just yet
I guess that’s because I’m a fighter,
But all fighters slip up and cry sometimes

…

Fuck that idea
Fuck him
Fuck all of them that are like him
Fuck all of you

I will push him away too!
I guess you can’t trust anyone
I will grieve and learn

What goes around comes around;
I was due to be hurt soon

I’m going to try to live through this
I’ve been through worse
I will rise again
There will be vengeance