Mozart, Zitti, & Defeat

I tremble as I slowly lie down
on this stiff bed.
Im in my underwears
wrapped in dirty white sheets.

I cant stop shaking & moving
as if my body is trying to tell rigamortis to fuck off.
My eyes are shut tight
but i feel my black pupils
underneath
rocking side to side violently
like two small sailing ships.
Im grabbing onto my sheets pulling
at them,
hoping they offer the same protection from when i was
a child.
But this fear is more potent, there is nothing innocent
about this hate & paranoia.

Because of this constant infidelity with conscience
& lust with the Sadistic.

I fear punishment is close.
Whistiling through the door.

Sweat wont stop pouring down my icy neck & body.
Drops of hot tears fall from my bruised eyes, water so holy
water i havent been able to let go for years, it burns my sockets.

I hear so many voices, none of them give me advice.
being tough means shit when your punishment drove many others mad.
when youre powerless & lying on your bed reaching for cigarettes that arent there.
You know you have reached your own requiem.
I now owe nothing.
Im not here. My stare is all i have left.
When i decide to open my eyes again.