If

if I would've known
the whole truth
when we were happening
we wouldn't have even happened
we wouldn't exist
I wouldn't dare to get close to you
I would've kept my distance

that first night I opened up to you
stupid of me
to release all my feelings
to a stranger
but at the time
it felt right
just like that, you gained my trust

and ever since that day
i confided in you
and told you things
things that i only wanted
you to know
because you were special to me

14 days into talking,
336 hours. 20,160 minutes.
1,209,600 seconds.
feelings developed
I never thought I'd feel this way
for someone so different from me
someone from a completely different world

the little dates
pictures we took
the little jokes
holding hands
the sneaked kisses
and telling secrets
childhood stories and
past memories

months of being together
and i could tell you anything
and what was mine became yours
and what was yours (became) mine
or so i thought

something
tragic happened
and of course it was too good to be true
I always joke about leaving you
I guess somewhere in my mind
somewhere in my heart
I knew
because jokes I made,
foreshadowed the future
it all led up to this one
devastating moment
only I didn't know it would
finish because of the reason it did.

so ow there is no thrill
because in between
the little dates
pictures we took
the little jokes
holding hands
the sneaked kisses
and telling secrets
childhood stories and
past memories,

you were doing things
things you said you'd never do to me
you said you'd stab yourself
if they were to happen
I should have known
from the moment
you mentioned "if"
in love, there are no ifs.
there shouldn't have been any ifs.

and I,
will no longer unleash my inner
thoughts,
and you,
are no longer special,
and we,
are from two different worlds
worlds that were never meant
to clash and collide

I should've realized this sooner,
you were never the one
forget stabbing yourself
you've already killed me.