deepundergroundpoetry.com
Airtight Outline
Airtight Outline
Lost behind the shadows procrastinating amidst the façade
Internal demons await with bloody grievance torn in a black war like a dark game of charade
Split in two battling every second looking for the you in love of self-bliss by the mirror
Asking myself who will ever enter to see the genuine me? I wish my eyes could notice while on top of the mountain lost in this too familiar blizzard
Yet it’s hard to imagine and impossible to define what these colorblind eyes fail to find and never escape this prison I’ve built in this sinful airtight outline.
Lost behind the shadows procrastinating amidst the façade
Internal demons await with bloody grievance torn in a black war like a dark game of charade
Split in two battling every second looking for the you in love of self-bliss by the mirror
Asking myself who will ever enter to see the genuine me? I wish my eyes could notice while on top of the mountain lost in this too familiar blizzard
Yet it’s hard to imagine and impossible to define what these colorblind eyes fail to find and never escape this prison I’ve built in this sinful airtight outline.
Published 15th Aug 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 1
reads 546
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
25th Aug 2013 7:09am
i like the way this flows, or rather, the way it runs--it actually gives me the feeling of someone trying to run through a crawlway.
there are a couple technical things i'd like to bring up. in line three--you're "looking for the you in love" and in the fourth line you're wondering "who will ever enter to see the genuine me"--are the "you" and the "me" respectively the same person? and the last line gets a little bumpy grammatically at the end--you're talking about what youre "colorblind eyes fail to find" and then you're saying "never escape this prison"--maybe there needs to be "I can" before "never" here?
well, you'll do whatever you want with it in any case, and it's a really great piece anyway.
there are a couple technical things i'd like to bring up. in line three--you're "looking for the you in love" and in the fourth line you're wondering "who will ever enter to see the genuine me"--are the "you" and the "me" respectively the same person? and the last line gets a little bumpy grammatically at the end--you're talking about what youre "colorblind eyes fail to find" and then you're saying "never escape this prison"--maybe there needs to be "I can" before "never" here?
well, you'll do whatever you want with it in any case, and it's a really great piece anyway.
