self harm and the way it makes me feel

Quite a few days it may some times take,
To blow or express or just simply break,
Maybe nothin but noise or some one will snap,
But its enough to lay crying pressure i cant really hack,
I tried to be open with out saying i cut,
But still its to much u really dont give a fuck,
In my room thinking i strip down my bear arm,
Wipe it with mouthwash its sterile im calm,
Pull up the desk i lay tissues in front,
Not fased out at all jus hope its not blunt,
Its like im exited quick cut for some blood,
Iv had my next hit its red i feel good,
Each time passing i need to see it some more,
Only wastin my time if blood fails hitting floor,
Some times im beat i just need a new place,
The whole new twinge of the knife screws my face,
Its only a good job if its raw with a mark,
Ever better the feeling if it doesnt fade from dark,
Im doing nothing wrong when this knifes cutting me,
Its my way of coping i only wish u could see,
Im not trying to die its not sympathy. I need,
Its just pressures to much and sumtyms i must bleed,
Clean it all up take my self for a soak,
Lay in the bath feeling the skin iv just broke,
I dont feel no bad and im addicted to pain,
The more i try leave it i beg it over again.
I just wish you all wud let this all be,
Cos harmings my heaven and ur way kills me,
I dont want to die and the scars arnt on you,
So stop trying to take the one thing getting me through.........