deepundergroundpoetry.com
The beating of two hearts in an elevator [on the axis of heaven and hell]
She presses
STOP
bouncing in strange tension
strung up in this banal space
she looks at me
[blank]
you got something to say?
she replies with a sharp stinging jab
to my mouth
I didn’t see it coming
she squats
back against the wall
pissing lust
her licking smile
dragging the animal
out from my ribcage
blood drips
down the back of my throat
churning my guts into an iron fist
choking her gasping breath
breaking every halo
that snaps from my shoulder
until she smiles through my mess
[framed] in my macabre portrait
she kisses [Christ]
flowing from my lips
smearing flesh
over bulletproof pane
senseless passion
hanging somewhere
between
heaven and hell.
Published 10th Aug 2013
| Edited 26th Apr 2018
Author's Note
This poem was inspired by the Norwegian horror film "Naboer". It was one hell of a twisted film, with one scene being so unsettling I turned off my tv. Somehow this poem emerged from the darkside... but only watched the film in its entirety years later.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 15
reading list entries 3
comments 21
reads 1998
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
10th Aug 2013 2:34am
I had to take a double look mid through reading this, to see the category it's listed under.
"flowing from my lips
smearing flesh
over bulletproof pane
senseless passion"<--Cool! Xo
"flowing from my lips
smearing flesh
over bulletproof pane
senseless passion"<--Cool! Xo
11th Aug 2013 10:04pm
Perhaps an erotic thriller... definitely hard lust in an elevator.
I'm stoked Rain blessed my lines with coolness. :)
I'm stoked Rain blessed my lines with coolness. :)
Anonymous
10th Aug 2013 8:14am
You know, I've been trying so hard to be a good girl... you're making that awfully difficult for me, Mister Case.
I enjoyed this a little too much, different but passionate and tinged with a little desperation.
I enjoyed this a little too much, different but passionate and tinged with a little desperation.
Now who's dragging the animal out of it's cage?
"tinged with a little desperation?" I'm sorry if "pissing lust" wasn't desperate enough for you. I'll have to think bigger next time.
Stay true Earth_Child there's more than enough badness in my filthy mind to hold DUP in equilibrium.
"tinged with a little desperation?" I'm sorry if "pissing lust" wasn't desperate enough for you. I'll have to think bigger next time.
Stay true Earth_Child there's more than enough badness in my filthy mind to hold DUP in equilibrium.
10th Aug 2013 5:11pm
11th Aug 2013 11:16pm
For me the violence in the poem is symbolic to the animal instinct of lust. Sometimes when the animal is unleashed sex can be extremely intense, relentless and savage.
Thank you so much Magdalena for your great comments.
Thank you so much Magdalena for your great comments.
10th Aug 2013 11:50pm
choking her gasping breath
breaking every halo ...
And the last six lines just absolutely make this incredible!
LSP
breaking every halo ...
And the last six lines just absolutely make this incredible!
LSP
This poem almost got tossed onto the scrap heap after I rejected the first version... but there were too many good lines that I just went sick with the delete button and gave it a nip and tuck.
Thanks heaps brother LSP for you generously served compliment.
Thanks heaps brother LSP for you generously served compliment.
11th Aug 2013 9:26pm
Rough and ready in the elevator, whew.
But seriously, good stuff here, write on, Case.
But seriously, good stuff here, write on, Case.
11th Aug 2013 10:23pm
I don't think Aerosmith had this in mind when they sang "Love In An Elevator."
I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me Atakti, there may be an animal in my cage, but I don't do MMA in confined spaces to elevator music... somebody simply inserted this poem into my mind whilst I slept. I just had to direct the lines of traffic when I was having breakfast.
Thanks heaps Atakti, I'm always stoked when you drop by for my lines.
I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me Atakti, there may be an animal in my cage, but I don't do MMA in confined spaces to elevator music... somebody simply inserted this poem into my mind whilst I slept. I just had to direct the lines of traffic when I was having breakfast.
Thanks heaps Atakti, I'm always stoked when you drop by for my lines.
Anonymous
12th Aug 2013 5:08am
Intense imagery with nice flow. Well done!
12th Aug 2013 6:19am
I wasn't too sure how this poem was going to go down with the readers, but I'm stoked with the response. Thanks Nikki for your kind comments.
13th Aug 2013 10:41am
13th Aug 2013 11:18am
Anonymous
25th Jan 2014 00:02am
This was one of the first of your work that I read and I felt the power of your pen, I must confess I even did a reading on this one recently, that's how much I liked it.
Mr. Case, the raw sensuality in here is just on the surface as my fav mentor always told me, leave some to the imagination and you've done so with this piece!
Mr. Case, the raw sensuality in here is just on the surface as my fav mentor always told me, leave some to the imagination and you've done so with this piece!
Vee, this poem was inspired by a very confronting foreign film I watched where foreplay consisted of the woman and guy punching and slapping each other. It was extreme and I felt uneasy... the poem kind a wrote itself after being confronted by such a scene.
Sounds like sound advice about leaving devices around our imaginations, I'm stoked you thought I achieved this.
Rewind <<< you did a reading for this poem? Now you've caught my attention.
Ahh, let's wrap this comment up. Thanks for you intriguing comment, Vee.
Sounds like sound advice about leaving devices around our imaginations, I'm stoked you thought I achieved this.
Rewind <<< you did a reading for this poem? Now you've caught my attention.
Ahh, let's wrap this comment up. Thanks for you intriguing comment, Vee.
4th Feb 2014 4:46am
her licking smile dragging the animal out from my ribcage ... That feeling I got the spring I notice the revolution of legs in shorts and the ice cream truck lost it's allure and all my mad dashing on bikes for treats became a burning quest for a new master
5th Feb 2014 9:35pm
This may sound odd, but the thought of my muse licking ice cream does more than drag an animal from it's cage these days. I totally dig the imagery of pelting after an ice cream truck for treats, but my mistress ain't dishing out soft serve, she's packin' nitrous oxide in the back of her truck and she's freezing me solid... thanks Semaj for your wicked comment.
18th Apr 2018 4:41pm
How many layers does this superb video add to this piece. Stellar creation bringing your words to life. Top notch excellence sir.
Damn. Im speechless for real Case. Ill need a few more experiences. How the fuck did I miss this one?? My apologies. <3
26th Nov 2018 1:23pm
This is so good! Not one word wasted...
"choking her gasping breath
breaking every halo"
...while you already had me at "pissing lust"
I'm not gonna share my thoughts, but you should get that animal out of his cage more often...
"choking her gasping breath
breaking every halo"
...while you already had me at "pissing lust"
I'm not gonna share my thoughts, but you should get that animal out of his cage more often...
