Our Stare, not theirs.

You tell me,
and I'll tell you
that our hands will never be clean
so we share in the blood,
the scars.
Why bother trying to wash them?

you hit mate
one of your best ever
evan

strider!

Cheers brother...

Hell of a write Evan.

Really nice...feel the words.

Evan

really decent writing here man, the couplets at the start and end are very fitting, definitely like them a lot.

First stanza is nice, there's a bit of wild capitalization going on here and there , and maybe manipulation is the wrong variant of that word (strictly on a grammatical level) I think manipulative is the word you're looking for there.

second stanza is pretty good as well, it's soft and fluid, honest and shows a human side, a vulnerability, I admire your restraint, I think I'd have rhymed known with grown in the first two lines without even thinking about it.

I think the penultimate stanza, or at least the last line it it might spoil the feel of the rest of the poem for an instant, it's kind of ominous or threatening or something.

all in though, I think you've done very well here and tip the cap to your evolution as a word smither.

shine on man.      

Thanks man, I'll give it a re-run
The shitter my life gets, the more my writing improves, it's fantastic.

I read this earlier Evan. It is very clear and concise. Puts me in mind of some of Kerouac's later minimalist work.

"of our blank, apathetic stares"

In my opinion, I would get rid of that line or re-work it Hun. It's a little too (don't get pissy with me lol) "emo" for my taste.(I can't think of a better word at the moment)

Other than that, I think you have a solid premise Darlin  

Enjoyed re-reading this. :)

That's ironic.. Aha cheers. I'll re-consider

Personally I would replace the line with your title. :)

I like it as it is, relevant.

awe,
that's really sweet,

and not generically trying to state, but very well written,

i'm very fond of the title =],

Cheers Lacey. It's wickedly sweet.

I shall add this to my reading A fine piece of writing may I suggest ?                          

My past is yours
your pain is mine

The middle sentences of S3 don't start with capitals. I'd suggest changing "past" in the last stanza to "pain", because as it is it seems like the pain belongs entirely to the addressed person, while previous stanzas imply something else.
It's a good poem, gently melodic in its free verse way and containing a few intense, poignant images, like those "blank, apathetic stares" gazing through time. "Stares gazing" could at first seem oxymoronic - they're stares, not gazes - but it actually works because it makes "stares" a noun, which is effective. This poem is a love letter rich with ache, I think. I also like your capitilisation of "Hate" and "Love" in S2; it lends those emotions a faintly religious air, the way pagans do with "Nature". Critique is JMHO. Thank you for the read.

Thanks man, I'll take that under consideration.

Evan,

The opening couplet makes this sound closer to a journal entry than a sharp piece of wrating. My suggestion is to step back away from the piece and read it with fresh eyes.

'of' isn't really needed in S2 L4. Too many prepositions weakens your writing. The ellipses in S2 L5 also weaken what you are saying, they force a trailing pause. Here, it feels like hesitation or coyness, which is out of sync with the overall tone.
S3 L1 consider paringdown to " In the sweetest way", again avoiding a prepositional phrase.
S3 L4 and L5 I don't think the repetition or the comma is necessary.

[We've known
a connection
of blank apathetic stares] isn't just more concise, it rings more true to the blunt blade you scored the majority with.


The seemingly haphazard capitalization is, well, distracting.

So my phone is a cunt and I wasn't quite finished yet.
 
Overall, I like the piece. It's painful,  hopeful and decently written. I feel comfortable giving you honest crit, and it's all just my opinion, but I do think a few small tweaks would render this brutally lovely. Good job.

Aish,

Thank you :- ) that's effective critique which I'll apply with a grin, lol. Glad to see you here, Aish. :- )

Happy to be here, good sir. :)