deepundergroundpoetry.com
Flavored Kiss
I let my fingers
chase you down
as you slither
effortlessly
from the tip
of my tongue
down to my throat
all the way
to my belly
I try not to
scream
as you wander
inside of me,
teasing my senses
making me
burn
at the same time
chill
Strong
and dark
bitter-sweet
flavored kiss
you got my
lipstick smeared
but my heart
is wildly tangled
to this hazy bliss
I let you
linger further
my hands
are shaking
my heart
is beating fast
but i know
this love affair
couldn't last
So I just inhale
where you lay
one last time
and lick what's
left of you
and smile...
I cant believe,
I got lost again
to a cup of coffee!
Published 3rd Dec 2010
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likes 1
reading list entries 1
comments 22
reads 2162
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Dec 2010 11:17am
Good stuff. Very enjoyable to read and a lot of energy here. Have you considered paring it down a little bit? The poem's energy seems to be centered around the you, and that's essentially what you've promised in your conclusion, though maybe this could be converted into a title or moved to the top to be the first section. For example, I read the first strope, but I feel only:
I let you down
you slither down
to my belly
This strope could also potentially be moved to the end, where the coffee seems to "linger further." Naturally, I think the my's in the poem will wane, though I wouldn't get rid of all of them. I would get rid of the last stanza entirely though. I think the poem is strong enough on its own to convey this afterthought through enactment and presence. Very enjoyable to read. Thanks.
I let you down
you slither down
to my belly
This strope could also potentially be moved to the end, where the coffee seems to "linger further." Naturally, I think the my's in the poem will wane, though I wouldn't get rid of all of them. I would get rid of the last stanza entirely though. I think the poem is strong enough on its own to convey this afterthought through enactment and presence. Very enjoyable to read. Thanks.
3rd Dec 2010 3:11pm
I would take you're suggestions into consideration if i have time to edit... i really appreciate the nice comment though thank you so much!:)
3rd Dec 2010 11:52am
Excellent deception. You drew me in and then left me wondering which is better..coffe is a close second.
3rd Dec 2010 3:11pm
3rd Dec 2010 1:05pm
3rd Dec 2010 3:11pm
3rd Dec 2010 2:39pm
Funny how you mock at the audience with this piece. I was beginning to get jealous until I realised you were doing it with a "cup of coffee"
3rd Dec 2010 3:15pm
3rd Dec 2010 3:43pm
i remember this one! haha, you've got the right vibes, girl. i love my coffee too. keep it up! [:
4th Dec 2010 1:15am
3rd Dec 2010 5:23pm
how much you love your coffee. But I remember liking this poem.
I guess the secret's out?
I guess the secret's out?
4th Dec 2010 1:16am
4th Dec 2010 10:00am
Haha, sorry! I either helped or flat out gave it away. My bad...:P Great poem, as always. Wild-Tidal Nymph-Cherry. :D
no, you did nothing wrong... Wild-Tidal Nymph-Cherry
--ooohhh i soo love that! thanks Jade! :)
--ooohhh i soo love that! thanks Jade! :)
4th Dec 2010 2:24pm
Anonymous
4th Dec 2010 1:42pm
Loved it!
4th Dec 2010 2:24pm
Anonymous
15th Dec 2010 2:41am
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25th Dec 2010 2:57pm
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27th Dec 2010 11:18am
