deepundergroundpoetry.com
Violin Voice
Broken shards of wind and rain succumb to dust
As the jar of poetry is upon the Crystal moonlight
A cracked blur that is declining yet shining
My form has withered my raw lost thoughts
As I await for secrets
I get swayed into the twilight
Your skin radiates next to my lips
I shall dry you tears of saliva
Your violin voice makes me feel mystical
As the daisy's begin to thirst, for the purest hope of spring.
The evening begins to ascend on a blue jays wing.
I'm immersed into this reality
Arched into ecstasy with a exquisite sensation
I erupt into a wave that is the ground of love
As the jar of poetry is upon the Crystal moonlight
A cracked blur that is declining yet shining
My form has withered my raw lost thoughts
As I await for secrets
I get swayed into the twilight
Your skin radiates next to my lips
I shall dry you tears of saliva
Your violin voice makes me feel mystical
As the daisy's begin to thirst, for the purest hope of spring.
The evening begins to ascend on a blue jays wing.
I'm immersed into this reality
Arched into ecstasy with a exquisite sensation
I erupt into a wave that is the ground of love
Published 14th Jul 2013
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comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Jul 2013 5:00am
27th Jul 2013 5:36am
zen,
This is rather nice, and ends really good.
I notice that you like using the word 'as a whole lot in your writings. I honestly think you could do without most if not all of them, not 100% sold on 'tears of saliva' I mean it does make for an interesting image but I think if you think about it you can come up with a much better one.
"Broken shards of wind and rain succumb to dust
As the jar of poetry is upon the Crystal moonlight "
I think these lines are fantastic, and along with most of the others make for a wonderful poem filled with great imagery.
nice job, well done, shine on
This is rather nice, and ends really good.
I notice that you like using the word 'as a whole lot in your writings. I honestly think you could do without most if not all of them, not 100% sold on 'tears of saliva' I mean it does make for an interesting image but I think if you think about it you can come up with a much better one.
"Broken shards of wind and rain succumb to dust
As the jar of poetry is upon the Crystal moonlight "
I think these lines are fantastic, and along with most of the others make for a wonderful poem filled with great imagery.
nice job, well done, shine on
7th Aug 2013 4:34am
