The search

I have grown tired over the years
I do not shed many tears
Raised from humble times
While I was young I still committed crimes

Could not afford to go to the pool
So me and my cousin would act a fool
Sneaking out to ride our bikes
Being at the reunion going on hikes

Love was all around I never frowned,
Fishing with my grandpa and acting like a clown,
laughing all day sometimes crying when they would not let us play around

The times have changed we no longer see each other every day,
once a year we get together,
though the times have changed us our family never weathers

Kids becoming adults having children of their own,
when I look at them I see little clones

What was once an annual thing
Has turned into a I'll make it if I can
Haven seen them in so long
Thinking to myself where has the time gone,

Only one has graduated with a degree
Hoping I am next in line to achieve

Wishing I was back in my youth
Being small so all I had to worry about was losing a tooth,
stress levels at a new high, wishing I could just cry

Letting go of all that I have held
It is burden but most cannot tell
I hide behind my smile

Not ok with what we have become
No longer a unit,
but a group of strangers
Who have unraveled  

See time is hardly kind
We all have become blind
Need to stop and see
So,we all don't go down in history

Our younger generation
Has become a facade
I look at them wishing I prayed to a god

Lost and out of control
Can't do a thing but watch as they unfold
Slowly coming undone
Hearing about them grabbing a gun

What has this world come to
Not wanting to live
Children stop- just be kids
We all go through a stage in life
Depressed and scared pulling out our hair

Wishing why can't I just fit it
Listen and listen well those who fit in never win,
lead do not follow for it is you who will see the good in tomorrow

My life's history is within the shattered youth,
having babies at fourteen
Having sex and not staying clean

Contracting disease after disease
Wait until you're older
you will see the misery that you conceived

Help me to fill these young minds
With things that are kind
Help me to guide them when they are blind,
the truth shall set you free,
we must live by those words
Do not be afraid I can show you the way

Listen to my words for I was once in your place,
trying to fit in doing anything to win,
win the hearts of people who did not care, all they would do is laugh and stare

The road to being remembered in history is a long uphill battle,
but it is up to you to be the wolf or the cattle
Be a person of integrity not one who built a life on lies and living in despise