deepundergroundpoetry.com
Gurkarn’s Song
You once asked me to be,
You told me you loved me,
You said we’d always be,
Forever you and me.
I thought that everything was true,
I believed you,
I loved you too,
Forever me and you.
You dropped me,
I shattered,
I hated you,
Never wanted to see you again.
You tried to fix things
After leaving me,
I believed everything
Was going to be all right.
Stupid as it seems,
I took you back,
Now it seems
We were meant to be.
I love you again,
And you love me.
If I shatter to pieces
This time I won’t take you back
Published 13th Sep 2009
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18th Jul 2011 5:03pm
I find this a little confusing. The title says it's a song, and you start off with some rhyme and then it just disintegrates. Now, I don't expect a song per se, complete with a 10 piece band, and a karaoke machine but there's very little conveyance of a song. What happened to the rhyme?
I can sort of understand that as a progression of the poem, but honestly it just comes across as weak, like you ran out of steam or something.
There's very little in this poem to engage me, no images, truthfully it's pretty flat.
I can sort of understand that as a progression of the poem, but honestly it just comes across as weak, like you ran out of steam or something.
There's very little in this poem to engage me, no images, truthfully it's pretty flat.
