SOGGY SATURDAY   (In the Sudden After Wake of Two Dark Storms Passing)

             
in your absence          
residual emotions          
sprinkle continuously          
this subtle yearning          
for your warmth          
your touch          
gently gnawing          
at the edges        
of my core        
this timid fire        
inside        
whose crackling cinders        
long to be fed        
with even more of you        
         
its rained here        
continuously now        
for forty eight hours        
as the first tropical        
storm of the year        
gnawed at the edges        
of this coastal        
island i live on              
as gale force winds        
and an inland        
sea of water        
fell from the sky        
i rode it out        
at home alone        
and wished that you        
had been here  
with me  
to ride it out  
more intimately  
together     
which only intensified        
that old need in me        
of something missing        
to be filled        
as another inner storm        
of my own desires        
disconnected making        
silently gnawed away       
at the edges        
of my insatiable  
innermost longing  
for you        
         
but the sun came back        
out again today        
now these freshly purged skies  
are clear again    
except for trailing remnants        
off the storms        
still lingering tail        
slowly crawling      
across this long      
narrow      
sandbar island      
out here      
in the seemingly  
timeless  
seemingly endless  
inspiringly self reflective  
existentially life affirming  
wondrously temperamental  
mood swinging  soul stirring  
soul feeding  mind healing  
open spiritual mirror  
of this beautiful  
living  
vast  open  
gulf      
of mexico  
so seamlessly  
so intimately embraced  
by this brilliant  electric blue      
new born days  
equally endless  
equally timeless  
vast  open sky above        
         
now standing here        
on soggy sand       
residual emotions        
still seep through        
though my waterlogged        
soggy thoughts        
to my surprise        
are no longer            
just about you anymore        
for today my inner skies  
before i stepped outside  
and saw the real sky  
up above  
began a little blue too  
but of a darkly different  
inward kind      
until i suddenly realized      
that old sinking feeling   
slowly rising up          
within me again        
of something still missing      
deep inside  
from my life  
then suddenly realizing  
it s just a recurrent pattern        
in my old ways of thinking        
a convenient form        
of subconsciously arisen        
self defeating  self sabotage        
that i must somehow lose          
by choosing here  
now instead        
more sober        
deeper thinking        
to rectify these tired old        
washed out inner blues        
when the clearer  
bottom line truth        
of the matter is for me     
that even in your absence        
the sun still came        
back out today        
to shine its warm  pure love        
and it s radiant joie de la vie        
back down on my life        
into me here again        
even in my aloneness   
without your much lesser lights        
insufficient  
false pretenses pretending        
anymore        
for something even better  
more worthy of my time  
my life  
my heart  
for now i know for sure  
so suddenly        
to my quiet surprise        
that i will somehow be o k        
that i will still survive just fine        
even if i don t ever see  
nor hear from you        
never  ever  
even if forever      
again