My Mirage

As I lay here in my bed
Memories of what now is dead
Wondering what's wrong with me
History repeats itself as I can see
Others lived and had their fun
While I simply have to run
From the truth that haunts me now
I simply wonder not only why but how
Things that are dearest to my heart
Seem to die shortly after they start
I become a friend and helper true
The passion didn't last before it was through
not someone desired for pleasure
My kindness and love is the treasure
While a passion within me rave
As I cannot have what crave
Holes in peoples lives I fill
Soon its closeness and no longer a thrill
I have nothing to offer that will last
This thing haunts me called the past
When a new future began to shine
I really thought that it was mine
Then is quickly faded away
My bright skies soon turned back to gray
I will live a very long time
I know as I write this rhyme
Never wanted as I'd love to be
Gloom and doom is all I see
My heart pumps but it aches
That I'm a wretch it always breaks
Try so hard to make ends meet
Failure is all that seems to great
Me at the tunnel where there is a light
For me its a train that shines so bright
Make others happy is what I do
But as for me my joy is through
Memories of times of pleasure past
Will haunt me until I die at last