WITHOUT YOU      (II)  

each morning     long before dawn  
       struggling     around 4 a m  
disturbed from sleep     each night  
       semi awakened     by restless thoughts  
some constant     gnawing  
       in my     guts  
and the filtering     of noises  
       in these vague voices     filling my head  
too many     all my own  
       trying to find their     lost way through  
this lonely     lonesome darkness  
       to some less     painful plane  
of softer     understanding  
       to some clearer     subconscious meaning  
to keep me     half afloat  
       until some     new day comes  
so hard     to keep my head  
       just above     the rising waters  
of all these     heavy feelings  
       now so lost     insecure  
somewhat empty     and uncertain  
       how much more     can i endure  
of this destruction     of my world  
       that wakes me from     my peaceful rest  
into the raining tears     of all this bloody stillness  
       where i now feel     im slowly drowning  
in my worries     in myself  
       chilled and treading     these unclear waters  
in desperate search     of something strong  
       and buoyant enough     to hold onto  
to carry me back     to safety again  
       to get me through     this lonesome time  
my slowly breaking     aching heart  
       this heavy mountain     on my chest  
crushing every weighty breath     right out of me  
       in this recurrent nightmare     of no dry  
stable land in sight     nothing here  
       but endless miles     of deep  dark depths  
stretching through     the emptiness  
       of this suffocating     sea of night  
where i wait     with zero confidence  
       for any rescue     at all to come  
this catastrophic     wreck i am  
       am i the     only one left  
somewhere unseen     far out of sight  
       as flotsam and jetsam     go drifting by  
in broken pieces     of myself  
       everywhere     all around me  
i bump into them     and can only cry  
       in wondering what     just happened here  
and what all these     broken pieces of me mean  
       to grieve at what     once might have been  
at what went wrong     and when  
       to cause this vessels     sudden sinking  
as i listen more deeply     into this empty night  
       for the faintest sound     of anothers breathing near  
to comfort me     here in this cold dark  
       yet night after     night  
no ones here     to be found  
       to either     hold  
nor     save me  
       uncertain even     if im still alive  
much less     the one that i was with  
       my one  true love     so distant now  
i just cant     tell any more  
       until  suddenly     i realize    
im not just     dreaming here  
       for now it appears     that this is all        
thats left     of my once  
       so happy     life  
my dreams and hopes     all sunken now  
       in which i too feel     i am sinking  
drowning a little further away     each and every night  
       haunted by the     fragile sound  
of something precious     breaking down  
       then suddenly sinking     from my sight  
from my senses     from my soul  
       until sunk away completely     from my life  
now so lost     and insecure  
       aching     and uncertain  
yet i can only     continue dreaming  
       my restless dream     of hoping  
that with each new     sacred dawn  
       of finding something     strong  
and buoyant enough     to hold onto  
       to carry me back     to safety again  
to get me through     this lonesome time  
       beyond my slowly     breaking heart  
and this wounded mountain     on my chest  
       crushing every weighty breath     right out of me  
beyond this recurrent     nightmare  
       of no dry land     in sight  
still nothing here     but this weary  
       near constant sense     of drowning  
in my worries     in myself  
       beyond this helpless     sinking  
of my heart     and soul again  
       where is the     distant light  
of that precious     love  
       that once     so filled my life  
with joy and     dreams of hope  
       much like the warmth     of sun now gone  
in this unbearable     heartaches lingering  
       where i can only     vainly long  
and wonder throughout     each sleepless night  
       if i will ever get     yet another chance  
to feel and know     the beauty  
       warmth and     inner glow  
of his   or any mans  
       sweet    loving hearts    
deep   inner touch again          
Written by OyateInyanNajin
Published | Edited 6th Mar 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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