My Friend Will Pay

To my friends that are dear and love to drink beer, I offer the gift of free brew.
Common among studs who enjoy their suds is a phrase that most never knew.

It’s an elegant ploy, that I pray you’ll enjoy but it’s not for the timid or meek.
Master this phrase and for the rest of your days, its drinks on the house so to speak.

It sounds simple enough, nothing too tough; just exclaim “My friend will pay!”
But a quarrel on your hands if he understands for he knows he’s fallen your prey.

So, I’m not talking about here, or American Beer.  I’m talking about beer far away.
It’s that foreign brew in the quest for the new, expensive when the tab is in play.

So let’s give this a try and see how it would fly at a Cantina in Mexico City.
As you order from the bar “Mi amigo pagará.”  Point to your buddy named Smitty.

Next partake in a stein while cruising on the Rhine, with plenty of tourists around.
Each round you’re callin’  “Mein freund bezahlen”.  Always a sucker to be found.

Brews by the French have an unpleasant stench, so bad they can’t even export them.
The reason they’re sold, foreigners aren’t told the French are trying to extort them.

If unlucky by chance you get thirsty in France, avoiding the bill is the key.
None the less if you’re stuck don’t even waste a buck.  “Mon ami va paye!”

While traveling to Manila, we stayed in a Villa and I found myself drinking with Rob.
In perfect Tagalog, I snookered my colleague “Ang kai-beegan ko ay mag ba ba yab.”

Hiding out in Rangoon, staying dry in a monsoon and traveling with a chick from Baja.
Too bad for Louisa, we maxed out her Visa. In Hindi it’s “Mara mitra aapsha!”

Cruising thru Thailand, on an off shore island, had the opportunity to practice our Thai.
We drank up our fill, while avoiding the bill, by announcing “Peun jai myuen hai !”

There’s a scarcity of yeast throughout Middle East, at least it’s illegal to employ it.
Rag head beer is regarded as being retarded.  Oh we drank it but didn’t enjoy it.

There’s no alcohol in Farsi protocol so there’s no reason to ever even go there.
Avoid excursions and drinking with Persians for Behnoush is made out of goat hair.

But, I met a few seals doing black-opp deals. They told me that they never had to pay.
If you’re ever in Iran or lost in Tehran, just tell the waiter  “Dostam polov miedeh!”

Asian beers are nice made of fermented rice; you may find yourself drunk in Shanghai.
If you don’t play the mandolin learn a little Mandarin, there’s certainly no reason to buy.

Call a round of Tsingtao and toast Chairman Mao you can do whatever you please.
Just keep your cools while you follow the rules, and bone up on a little Chinese.

Look for Sailors or Marines,  guys in blue jeans. Get friendly and then launch your coup.
Before they are gone pull the “Old Genghis Kahn” with a chorus of “Me’ ching k’u!”

As flags are unfurled anywhere in the world you can travel and partake to your fill.
Throw away your Visa. Order an anchovy pizza and drink some pretty good swill.

If we party together, we’ll be birds of a feather.  We’ll drink till we’re both in a stew.
We’ll fall off our stools and babble like fools in a language that’s known as URDOO.