deepundergroundpoetry.com
Being Mortal
Last time I spent more than a few hours in a hospital
was over thirty years ago
I'd drank a bottle of whiskey, along with generous tasters
of everything else in the drinks cabinet, I was around eight
they said I should have died
There's a chill outside tonight
the ominous shadows of the old church guarding the old asylum
compliment each other with varying degrees of creepy
it's just a matter of sucking the life outta this spliff
before I can get back to the atmospherics
of Surgical ward D
If it was up to me, I wouldn't be caught dead in this place
even though my face was starting to look
like it went three rounds with Ali
and I looked like I'd been pulled out of some river
after three days lying on the bottom
swelled out and giving off that dead-man shine
I'm sore, been pricked and prodded for three weeks now
and it'll be at least two days more
long ol' days before I can leave this ward
and close the door on this nightmare
thing is, while I'm sure that I'll be walking out of here
they've said it could have been different
and looking around at the company
men, having their shitty nappies changed by nurses
and walking around with bags of urine
unresponsive, incoherent, and soon to be carted off
to the nursing home around the corner
After all these years of tempting fate, It's time to accept that I'm mortal.
Many thanks for all the best wishes over the last few weeks, much appreciated.
was over thirty years ago
I'd drank a bottle of whiskey, along with generous tasters
of everything else in the drinks cabinet, I was around eight
they said I should have died
There's a chill outside tonight
the ominous shadows of the old church guarding the old asylum
compliment each other with varying degrees of creepy
it's just a matter of sucking the life outta this spliff
before I can get back to the atmospherics
of Surgical ward D
If it was up to me, I wouldn't be caught dead in this place
even though my face was starting to look
like it went three rounds with Ali
and I looked like I'd been pulled out of some river
after three days lying on the bottom
swelled out and giving off that dead-man shine
I'm sore, been pricked and prodded for three weeks now
and it'll be at least two days more
long ol' days before I can leave this ward
and close the door on this nightmare
thing is, while I'm sure that I'll be walking out of here
they've said it could have been different
and looking around at the company
men, having their shitty nappies changed by nurses
and walking around with bags of urine
unresponsive, incoherent, and soon to be carted off
to the nursing home around the corner
After all these years of tempting fate, It's time to accept that I'm mortal.
Many thanks for all the best wishes over the last few weeks, much appreciated.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 25
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Re: Being Mortal
Anonymous
7th May 2013 9:44am
I think that the opening paragraph in italics should be chopped into a verse with line breaks, but otherwise I adore this poem, and I'm thoroughly delighted that you came up with such a good ending. Kudos, good sir, and get well soon. xxx
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re: Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 11:55am
Jack,
I chopped up the opener as suggested.The original idea was go from the self perceived immortality within the italics to the realization of mortality. ..bit of a stretch :)
Thank you kindly for the support and advice on this, it's been a while.
cheers man.
I chopped up the opener as suggested.The original idea was go from the self perceived immortality within the italics to the realization of mortality. ..bit of a stretch :)
Thank you kindly for the support and advice on this, it's been a while.
cheers man.
re: re: Re: Being Mortal
Anonymous
7th May 2013 1:50pm
I still think that you should keep the verse in italics, to distinguish it from the rest of the poem and thus make clear the connection between past immortality and present acceptance. JMHO. It's good to see you writing again. x
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re: re: re: Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 3:53pm
Yeah, I think that's probably the way go here, I'll sort that when I fire up the laptop.
Thanks agan good sir.
Thanks agan good sir.
Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 12:59pm
Nice poem. I'm feeling the poking and prodding and all the more vulnerable from it. An understandable sentiment. All of our hopes and dreams being packed into 200 pound hunk of meat is a sobering thought.
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re: Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 3:56pm
Steve,
Good to see you knocking about the place, delighted you stopped by here and left your footprint.
Pretty sobering right enough.
Good to see you knocking about the place, delighted you stopped by here and left your footprint.
Pretty sobering right enough.
Re: Being Mortal
Anonymous
7th May 2013 1:22pm
nice write lepperochan...I miss them from you!
strider
strider
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re: Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 3:58pm
Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 1:49pm
Oh hell...
I am getting this in more ways than one. Sucks when the cracks start showing huh? ;)
Much enjoyed Eamonn :)
I am getting this in more ways than one. Sucks when the cracks start showing huh? ;)
Much enjoyed Eamonn :)
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re: Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 4:00pm
Maggie,
I'm here for an upgrade is all, when I leave here I'll have the inners of a 20 year old :)
thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts
I'm here for an upgrade is all, when I leave here I'll have the inners of a 20 year old :)
thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts
Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 3:04pm
I agree with Jack mate JMHO.
Still a young pup by your standards. I have looked back at my life and wonder how I am still alive sometimes.
Much enjoyed Eamonn
Still a young pup by your standards. I have looked back at my life and wonder how I am still alive sometimes.
Much enjoyed Eamonn
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re: Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 4:04pm
Cheers Carpe
I think we all might think we're immortal for a time, its just sometimes the powers that be want to flex their muscles and remind us that at the end of the day ..we're not
thanks for stopping by good fellow
I think we all might think we're immortal for a time, its just sometimes the powers that be want to flex their muscles and remind us that at the end of the day ..we're not
thanks for stopping by good fellow
Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 5:31pm
shocking fact
I was around eight
they said I should have died
good job!!
I was around eight
they said I should have died
good job!!
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re: Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 8:13pm
Thank you kindly Debborah.
yeah, the bar scene was so much better 30 years ago.
appreciate the stop by and leaving of thoughts
yeah, the bar scene was so much better 30 years ago.
appreciate the stop by and leaving of thoughts
Re: Being Mortal
Anonymous
7th May 2013 6:04pm
I keep trying to leave you some feedback, but it all comes out like mush and since you're still 100 years away from a liquid diet I'm just gonna shut up.
To your hale, salty self, Eamon, cheers!
<3
To your hale, salty self, Eamon, cheers!
<3
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re: Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 8:19pm
Aish,
I've been trying to respond to your comment but it keeps coming out too mushy..
on the other hand, if you're partial to a liquid diet ..I think I can accommodate you there.
(oh my fkn god..did he just say that!!)
cheers for dropping by and leaving your footprint ;)
I've been trying to respond to your comment but it keeps coming out too mushy..
on the other hand, if you're partial to a liquid diet ..I think I can accommodate you there.
(oh my fkn god..did he just say that!!)
cheers for dropping by and leaving your footprint ;)
re: re: Re: Being Mortal
Anonymous
7th May 2013 8:56pm
Anytime, anytime, anytime... hey now, I remember that whole foot print business! ;)
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Re: Being Mortal
7th May 2013 10:29pm
Surgical Ward D will have to get along without you.
I like the philosophical acceptance in this. Nice one, Craic.
I like the philosophical acceptance in this. Nice one, Craic.
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re: Re: Being Mortal
8th May 2013 7:46am
Atakti,
Damn straight !
I thank you for dropping by , the kind words, and continued support.
Damn straight !
I thank you for dropping by , the kind words, and continued support.
Re: Being Mortal
8th May 2013 00:15am
Leppycrack your pen moved! And of course it was to poke fun at my nurses!! Lol JK! Didn't know you where this sick. I'm sorry.. Get well soon!
now this poem is great. A little in the beginning off. You know me can't pin point why lol. Call me I'll tell you rather then brake my neck trying to explain on damn paper lol. Anyways the ending was epic though. Made up for it. It's a sucky feeling when you relies you won't live forever.
God bless (you don't believe but I do) xoxo
now this poem is great. A little in the beginning off. You know me can't pin point why lol. Call me I'll tell you rather then brake my neck trying to explain on damn paper lol. Anyways the ending was epic though. Made up for it. It's a sucky feeling when you relies you won't live forever.
God bless (you don't believe but I do) xoxo
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re: Re: Being Mortal
8th May 2013 7:52am
Gigi, me ol' flower, Leppycrack sounds like an std wouldn't you agree.
I've been looking over the start to try pinpoint where it might be lacking, .. I'll find it and sort it or else I'll have to be calling you.
Appreciate the words Gigi, shine on
I've been looking over the start to try pinpoint where it might be lacking, .. I'll find it and sort it or else I'll have to be calling you.
Appreciate the words Gigi, shine on
Re: Being Mortal
10th May 2013 6:33pm
Lep, I'm so sorry you had such an ordeal to endure. Your work was missed so I'm glad to see you're taking the bull by the horns and once again draining awesome ink on paper. The images are terrific and the moral of mortality so true. Welcome back and looking forward to more of your writes.
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re: Re: Being Mortal
15th May 2013 3:00pm
Tony,
Sorry man, missed this completaly. Thank you fo the kind words, there is a certain satisfaction gained with the knowledge that one has been missed :)
This was a kind of hard write, the usual struggle tjat I susspect we all have with 'is it any good' and 'I can do better' that comes with picking up the pen again after some time.
I see some areas where it can be improved, but on th whole am happy enough that it at least isn't any worse than my last offering.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment Tony, much apreciated my good man.
Sorry man, missed this completaly. Thank you fo the kind words, there is a certain satisfaction gained with the knowledge that one has been missed :)
This was a kind of hard write, the usual struggle tjat I susspect we all have with 'is it any good' and 'I can do better' that comes with picking up the pen again after some time.
I see some areas where it can be improved, but on th whole am happy enough that it at least isn't any worse than my last offering.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment Tony, much apreciated my good man.
Re: Being Mortal
13th May 2013 00:05am
I missed this poem of your's and didn't realise you have been hospitalized. Hope you're on the mend Eamonn.
I took a bottle of my fathers pills when I was five, because I thought they were sweets and ended up high as a kite, was rushed into hospital.
Really get the feeling across to the reader of how you were/are feeling. Great job. :)
I took a bottle of my fathers pills when I was five, because I thought they were sweets and ended up high as a kite, was rushed into hospital.
Really get the feeling across to the reader of how you were/are feeling. Great job. :)
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re: Re: Being Mortal
15th May 2013 3:10pm
Magdelena,
A stoner at five years old.. "thought they were sweets" right ..pull the other one. Life down the mines was too much for you so you turned to taking the drugs to try aleviate the horrible mundane existance that was the norm for the more grown up children of the five and six age group. I expect by seven you'd been introduced to your future husband, a hard working and hard drinking miner soon to be celebrating his tenth birthday ... or 'middle age' as it was known :D
thank you for the drop b y and thoughts y Magdalena,
A stoner at five years old.. "thought they were sweets" right ..pull the other one. Life down the mines was too much for you so you turned to taking the drugs to try aleviate the horrible mundane existance that was the norm for the more grown up children of the five and six age group. I expect by seven you'd been introduced to your future husband, a hard working and hard drinking miner soon to be celebrating his tenth birthday ... or 'middle age' as it was known :D
thank you for the drop b y and thoughts y Magdalena,