deepundergroundpoetry.com
I wonder...
No where near enough stop
to consider 'what is the point
to this struggle?'
Even fewer learn what the struggle
actually is
so they make it up
and dance motionlessly
around an invented strife.
There is nothing there.
But, in the meantime
I worry.
I worry for those
who haven't seen
the true definition of 'love'
and they are too young
to ask the right questions
they only know loveless.
They are inspired by those
who can only remind them
to forget the self
and embrace the ego.
Ah, the ego...
That nasty fucker;
the shadow of the self.
The shield that protects one
from actually being.
I witness it thrown about
in swaggers and curse words.
It stops him from bowing his head
and saying 'thank you'
it expects everything.
I WILL bow my head
for I feel sorrow.
There is no need for this
yet it comes across
as the only option
as if it is born
of necessity
where in reality
it is born
of forgetfullness.
Where have we gone?
to consider 'what is the point
to this struggle?'
Even fewer learn what the struggle
actually is
so they make it up
and dance motionlessly
around an invented strife.
There is nothing there.
But, in the meantime
I worry.
I worry for those
who haven't seen
the true definition of 'love'
and they are too young
to ask the right questions
they only know loveless.
They are inspired by those
who can only remind them
to forget the self
and embrace the ego.
Ah, the ego...
That nasty fucker;
the shadow of the self.
The shield that protects one
from actually being.
I witness it thrown about
in swaggers and curse words.
It stops him from bowing his head
and saying 'thank you'
it expects everything.
I WILL bow my head
for I feel sorrow.
There is no need for this
yet it comes across
as the only option
as if it is born
of necessity
where in reality
it is born
of forgetfullness.
Where have we gone?
Published 6th May 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 11
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
6th May 2013 8:30pm
Nasty fucker indeed panama.
Nice write.
Strider
Nice write.
Strider
6th May 2013 8:40pm
6th May 2013 8:41pm
Glad you liked it. Got fucked off with some cock-end today. At least something came from it!
6th May 2013 9:41pm
"so they make it up
and dance motionlessly
around an invented strife"
The ego knows nothing of love, of course. It is all take and no give. It is the start of the end, and the end of compassion.
Well done for pocketing the fists and using them to write this, instead.
and dance motionlessly
around an invented strife"
The ego knows nothing of love, of course. It is all take and no give. It is the start of the end, and the end of compassion.
Well done for pocketing the fists and using them to write this, instead.
6th May 2013 10:37pm
Sorry panama, but this, as a poem, is terrible. The three commenters above me need a good kick in the arse.
6th May 2013 10:55pm
Anonymous
- Edited 7th May 2013 9:34am
7th May 2013 9:33am
I agree with Mr A, though I wouldn't dream of kicking anoyone up the arse. Feedback's mostly opinion, of course, but in mine this is a horrible, bitter, mean-spirited poem, full of a self-righteous loathing of your fellow man that's almost religious. "I WILL bow my head/for I feel sorrow"? Come on, Panama, you're worth so much more than this sentimental bollocks.
I could almost accept the poem as a satirical portrait of a narcissistic creep, but I fear that your sentiments were meant to be authentic. Your narrator sits like a surly bishop on a golden throne chiding those peasants who don't prostrate themselves before him. Take this verse:
"I worry for those
who haven't seen
the true definition of 'love'"
Oh, and no-one other than your narrator, and maybe those people he approves of, know the true definition? This is just empty nonsense.
The sheer pomposity of the poem has such a strong religious flavour that it makes me wonder if there really are militant atheists who've made atheism their religion, and I've always dismissed that as a right-wing fantasy. What gives your narrator this divine wisdom he claims to have, and, oh benevolent sage, what "is" the true definition of love?
There are, I'll admit, some good ideas in this poem. Disregardance of the self, confusing the struggles of life with some petty, transient grievance etc. But these good ideas are filtered through a thoroughly annoying, messianic voice. I'll close by suggesting that you take your narrator's advice and remove yourself from yourself, focusing on your themes in a more objective, compassionate way. But this, of course, is JMHO. Thank you for the read.
I could almost accept the poem as a satirical portrait of a narcissistic creep, but I fear that your sentiments were meant to be authentic. Your narrator sits like a surly bishop on a golden throne chiding those peasants who don't prostrate themselves before him. Take this verse:
"I worry for those
who haven't seen
the true definition of 'love'"
Oh, and no-one other than your narrator, and maybe those people he approves of, know the true definition? This is just empty nonsense.
The sheer pomposity of the poem has such a strong religious flavour that it makes me wonder if there really are militant atheists who've made atheism their religion, and I've always dismissed that as a right-wing fantasy. What gives your narrator this divine wisdom he claims to have, and, oh benevolent sage, what "is" the true definition of love?
There are, I'll admit, some good ideas in this poem. Disregardance of the self, confusing the struggles of life with some petty, transient grievance etc. But these good ideas are filtered through a thoroughly annoying, messianic voice. I'll close by suggesting that you take your narrator's advice and remove yourself from yourself, focusing on your themes in a more objective, compassionate way. But this, of course, is JMHO. Thank you for the read.
Go back, kid. Find you. Whatever you're doing with yourself these days isn't good for you. In the words of homedogs and hipsters everywhere "Check yourself before you wreck yourself, YOLO."
In other news, cold crush poem was pretty hot and very you.
In other news, cold crush poem was pretty hot and very you.
Anonymous
- Edited 28th Jan 2019 8:46am
8th May 2013 3:55am
<< post removed >>
9th May 2013 9:41am
I definitely get what is being said. Not my finest piece. It was written because of a scene a witnessed with a fat little fucker (about 16) kicking off at someone trying to help. Made me wonder what these kids must lack in order to act the arse. Thanks for the feedback everyone.
14th Aug 2013 3:09pm
"Ah, the ego...
That nasty fucker;
the shadow of the self.
The shield that protects one
from actually being"
Such true words... Thank you, I enjoyed the read.
That nasty fucker;
the shadow of the self.
The shield that protects one
from actually being"
Such true words... Thank you, I enjoyed the read.
