"So tired"

"That iz it,everything iz shit-,nothing matters anymore i don't wanna talk to you about it or even hear anymore about it-i tried talkin' to you people about my feelings-tried to tell you all about my life dealings-i lived the majority of my life in sin not givin' a damn about others-i threw all those around me away like used rubbers-only person i talk to from the time i wake up to the time i go to sleep- is my lord,my god,forever my king while i'm breathing and even after they bury me 6 feet deep-my destiny iz not to have a life here on earth-i wish they woulda killed me after my birth-no need for you to even try to talk to me about all these trials and tribulations-unless you been where the fuck i been and gone through the shit i gone through-there ain't a single mutha fuckin' thing that you or anyone can do-i don't blame all this shit on my family- only thing i resent them about iz disowning me-i still love them all now and for eternity-if i don't get to see any of them in this life-at least i know for a fact we'll see each other in the next life-i ain't gonna lie i miss my momma and all my loved ones who have already gone to the other side-i look forward to that day when my soul can journey on and this body just die-i got friends that are closer to me than my family-they may not be my blood but to me they are my family- cause they were the ones who were nearby and talked to me-regardless this shit iz all so hectic when i look in the mirror all i see iz someone who's pathetic-society and all their bullshit laws i reject it-i tried and tried to make this life work-i'm labeled an outkast that's why i can't find work-i just get thrown around gettin' played like a jerk-so sick of all this ramblin' on and on-so much wickedness in my life i could make this a 20 page song-but i ain't gonna do that shit cause i know that shit's too damn long-i don't care about my life anymore,i don't care what happens to my body anymore- look in my room you'll see a bunch of empty pill bottles on the floor- poppin' tylenol pm's like they were candy-i know they cause liver damage and that's just fine and dandy-i had love in my life several times in this life but i alwayz did sumthin' to fuck it up- actin stupid talkin a fool doin' drugz being a mutha fuckin' thug too good for love-threw love away even when i had a wife-since i lost her i lost my life now i'm just a fuck up draggin down my wrist a razor knife-i pray and pray to my lord to please take me home take me outta this world-there isn't shit i can offer anyone in this world- now it don't make a difference if i find that special girl-i ain't got shit to offer anyone unless it's these  suicidal wicked rhymes-i know better though a woman don't wanna deal with a man that's depressed all the time-before i stop writing this i wish i wish i wish- i had the guts to just slit my fuckin' wrists end this bullshit- sick and tired of being sick and tired- all i care about is my lord forgive my sins and not cast me into the lake of fire- i try so hard my lord to live like a good christian should-i get influenced too easily by satan and do shit that i know isn't any good-my addictions to poppin these pills and my never ending lust with pornography-the only way i see for salvation is i be granted redemption and let me d.i.e-if my friends are upset from whut they have just read-i'm sorry to offend thee,i'm just not happy,i'd rather be dead!!!!!!!!