deepundergroundpoetry.com
The changing winds
Keeling over the kitchen sink -mouth open comically wide-
my stomach tries to unearth rival organs: if only it had weed killer.
The walls are sweating, heaving out orders for nine, nine, nine;
whilst the carpet laments “Six, six six. You’d better be prepared
because nothing’s going to be the same after this. Six, six, six.”
The skyline wavers with the changing winds,
candle light holding secrets in-between
the expectations I held for myself.
I held them too high.
I’m older now, seconds holding the weight of decades;
I shed my skin and place it in the recycling bin.
Loneliness deforms my gut, twisting until all comfort oozes out.
More than anything I’d like to say I don’t deserve it.
Nothing will ever be the same.
Six, six six.
my stomach tries to unearth rival organs: if only it had weed killer.
The walls are sweating, heaving out orders for nine, nine, nine;
whilst the carpet laments “Six, six six. You’d better be prepared
because nothing’s going to be the same after this. Six, six, six.”
The skyline wavers with the changing winds,
candle light holding secrets in-between
the expectations I held for myself.
I held them too high.
I’m older now, seconds holding the weight of decades;
I shed my skin and place it in the recycling bin.
Loneliness deforms my gut, twisting until all comfort oozes out.
More than anything I’d like to say I don’t deserve it.
Nothing will ever be the same.
Six, six six.
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likes 12
reading list entries 3
comments 26
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: The changing winds
Re: The changing winds
20th Apr 2013 7:30pm
The numbers "nine" and "six" repeated like that provoke a very uneasy feeling, even after the effective anxiety word tour...
A strong write, don't question it!
A strong write, don't question it!
1
Re: The changing winds
re: Re: The changing winds
20th Apr 2013 7:42pm
Re: The changing winds
20th Apr 2013 9:48pm
i love this fn style from you miss scribbs. amazing. i would like to see you get in touch with that a bit more mam......
awesome!!!
awesome!!!
1
re: Re: The changing winds
20th Apr 2013 10:56pm
Re: The changing winds
Anonymous
20th Apr 2013 9:53pm
Great visuals, awesome write. Gut wrenching pain felt. But was it to leave me uneasy???
1
re: Re: The changing winds
20th Apr 2013 10:57pm
Re: The changing winds
20th Apr 2013 11:23pm
Nice Touch Scribbler, very different but the style is amazing. Continue to flirt with it.
1
re: Re: The changing winds
21st Apr 2013 7:01am
Re: The changing winds
20th Apr 2013 11:54pm
Rain is loving this changing wind!
Im loving more of 'YOU' in your ink!
So please continue to share! :)
Good luck with the comp, sweety! Wonderfully Inked! xoxo
Im loving more of 'YOU' in your ink!
So please continue to share! :)
Good luck with the comp, sweety! Wonderfully Inked! xoxo
1
re: Re: The changing winds
21st Apr 2013 7:18am
Re: The changing winds
21st Apr 2013 00:28am
Indeed write more from You Dear Scribbler
this was VERY deep, I enjoyed this on many levels
it's definitely a great write, and has me look at many angles...tis very raw.....I love that...that's how truth is eh?
Good Luck in the comp. You'll do great indeed!!!
this was VERY deep, I enjoyed this on many levels
it's definitely a great write, and has me look at many angles...tis very raw.....I love that...that's how truth is eh?
Good Luck in the comp. You'll do great indeed!!!
1
re: Re: The changing winds
21st Apr 2013 7:18am
Re: The changing winds
Anonymous
21st Apr 2013 3:32pm
I can't pretend to know exactly what this feeling is, but I like the way it's worded, Scribbler. First two lines of each stanza and the last in its entirety, most especially. This is one I'll keep coming back to. Puzzling but has a pull to it. A beautiful mystery ;)
1
re: Re: The changing winds
22nd Apr 2013 3:10pm
Anonymous
- Edited 1st May 2021 7:45am
21st Apr 2013 6:31pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: The changing winds
22nd Apr 2013 3:11pm
Re: The changing winds
22nd Apr 2013 10:44am
I always find one sentence that sticks with me when it comes to your poems
'more than anything I would like to say I don't deserve it'
That's a direct slap on the self for the reader, or atleast me.
Amazing job scribbs, the chant of six had intense results.
'more than anything I would like to say I don't deserve it'
That's a direct slap on the self for the reader, or atleast me.
Amazing job scribbs, the chant of six had intense results.
1
re: Re: The changing winds
22nd Apr 2013 3:12pm
Thank you for your wonderful comment,
I'm glad you enjoyed the poem, kourtni :)
I'm glad you enjoyed the poem, kourtni :)
Re: The changing winds
Anonymous
22nd Apr 2013 8:16pm
I enjoyed this captivating write, Scribbler. Very well done. Good luck in the comp. :)
Carlene
Carlene
1
re: Re: The changing winds
22nd Apr 2013 8:42pm
Re: The changing winds
27th Apr 2013 8:20am
Ooo... this one really has my mind whirling. I picture an ordinary woman bending over a sink in pain, as she slowing turns into a demon... Fascinating :)
The last stanza just slaps me in the face for some reason... It seems I can relate to something in it: the first line I think...
I enjoyed reading this, Scribbler.
The last stanza just slaps me in the face for some reason... It seems I can relate to something in it: the first line I think...
I enjoyed reading this, Scribbler.
1
re: Re: The changing winds
27th Apr 2013 1:50pm
Six, six, six
Anonymous
27th Apr 2013 3:22pm
Those numbers
frightening to some
no big deal to me
A favor if I may?
when you see
him
will you?
tell him I'm coming
to take my soul back!!!
my debt
settled
squared
on my end
he won't return
any of my calls
please, just.....
Tell him I'm coming, to collect
HAHAHA!!!
Great job, Scribbler. xo. ; )
frightening to some
no big deal to me
A favor if I may?
when you see
him
will you?
tell him I'm coming
to take my soul back!!!
my debt
settled
squared
on my end
he won't return
any of my calls
please, just.....
Tell him I'm coming, to collect
HAHAHA!!!
Great job, Scribbler. xo. ; )
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