Dust and thirst

really nice write ataki

strider

Thanks, Strider, man.

Well written, concise and complete.
A good read.

Thank you kindly, Kitty.

With the last lines turning it on its head it seems more upbeat that angry to me. Few words I don't like, or maybe just the context, like with "cobblestone".

What I did really like was the idea and imagination for the metaphor; that's more important.

Were you just walking over some gravel and the idea hit you?

No, still an angry write. "One day" makes it so...

As for the idea of gravel, that is just a way I found to physically represent the emotions - gritty, hard and brittle, all broken and breaking further.

I feel the gravel scrapes!  Very image provoking, great job!  Mike.

Thanks, Mike...

*buys plot in the middle of a desert and waters the only tree he plants*
inspiration blooms in every place ;D

I like that... thanks for the lovely comment, 13.

The green is much more fruitful than the tarmac and gravel. And yes, it always breaks apart.

Great write Atakti :)

Thank you, Magdalena, hun. :)

Wonderful write, Ataki.

Your words smooth, then ravage, only
to smooth again. I am crunched underfoot

unable to cobblestone myself together.

^Especially liked.

Thanks, Scribbler, I like that part too.  :)

very subtle write about how the process of anger can feel like, like you suddenly cracked something, I almost heard the cracking sound....
Great piece, Ataki!!!

Yeah, it suited and felt right when I put this together. Thanks, Mourganna!

Great capture, indeed rocky times come...keep Your direction to your garden.
A most excellent write as Always!!!

Many thanks for your comment, soul, appreciate it.

Truly a mesmerizing read, Atakti. Superb wording & imagery. Enjoyed greatly! :)

Carlene

Many thanks, Carlene. :)

Pain inflicked by man changed
To something pure.
I enjoyed your poem!

Thanks for your comments, Kaino. Welcome to DU.

Hi, Atakti. The opening strophe is painfully uncomfortable while being relatable, at least to me. I read it and instead of moving on to S2 I nodded yes and read it again. Then I read S2 and marveled at your skill, saying "ummmhmmmm" to myself, marveling that I find parallels in you that are really groovy.

S3 is clunky in comparison. "Cobble" would work better than "cobblestone". You begin to mix your metaphor, moving from gravel to cobblestone while still being static   with your driveway.

I like the upswing of promised metamorphosis in the penultimate and final strophes. Nicely done overall.

Thanks, Aish!

I first thought "cobble".. Mr A made a similar comment.

I will reconsider, and thanks for the thoughtful feedback, appreciate it.

:)

Anytime, darlink :)