A Glutton for Punishment

Inspired by a silly joke I once heard.
 
Irene Grabbar was a cleaning lady. She’d been a cleaner most of her adult life although she hated it. Her husband Sid had a small market stall that never seemed to prosper on a scale that would allow her to stop working. Still, the job of cleaner had its perks like any other and Irene took full advantage of the situations she found herself in cleaning mainly for elderly folk. As well as clean for them she would also run small errands… and she made it pay!
 
Today she was cleaning the modest bungalow of one of her ‘favourite’ clients old Mr Alf Givett, or ‘Mr. Give it’ as she callously thought of him. Whenever she did an errand for him he paid her generously for doing so and Irene always accepted the payment even though most times she had severely short changed him anyway. But Mr. Givett was a simple, unworldly old gentleman so he always paid up with a smile and never once queried the price of anything or her honesty.
 
Irene hated his smile. It was all gums, and badly infected gums at that. Poor Alf had been under the care of a dental surgeon for some months now but his condition seemed, if anything, to have gotten worse. He could no longer wear his false teeth and was in some discomfort from the condition. Irene particularly hated the rank odour of his breath that accompanied his frequent grins. His cheerfulness in the face of this adversity served only to annoy her. Damn the simple old fool she thought, he’s only getting what he asks for.  
 
She had told no one except her Sid about the ‘perks’ she extracted from Alf and others she worked for, sniggering at her own cleverness whilst relating some of the tricks she pulled. Sid, a decent though timid man, did not approve of his wife’s dishonesty “You’ll steal your own punishment one day” he told her meekly “You mark my words.”  
 
Irene had sneered at him, her lips curling with contempt “You get what you can in this world Sid Grabbar” she had hissed, scornfully. “If you had anything about you and earned a decent living I wouldn't have to work in the first place."
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As Irene cleaned Alf's living room that day she was glad, this would be the last time before Christmas. She would have a weeks break and really enjoy herself spending some of her ill gotten gains on sweets, chocolates and the savouries which she so loved. She even allowed herself to hum a little tune as she helped herself greedily to some shelled Brazil nuts in a large bowl by Alf's chair. Had she but known what was about to unfold she would have been a lot less cheerful…
 
The noise of the vacuum cleaner masked the sound of Alf entering the room and she was startled when he tapped her on the shoulder.  
 
“Oh please stop cleaning Irene” he smiled, leaning into her face, his foul breath almost choking her. “It’s Christmas and I have a little treat for you. Please, sit in my chair.”
 
Irene, trying not to retch, smiled through gritted teeth. “A treat you say Alf? How nice!’  
 
‘Yes my dear, you work really hard all year and you don’t mind doing some errands for me so I thought it only fair I give you a treat at Christmas’ he said affably. Reaching into his wallet he took out a crisp £50 note that he could ill afford and handed it to her.  
 
Irene accepted, seemingly grateful whilst hoping he would go far enough away from her so she couldn’t smell his breath. “Oh.. er thanks” she managed at last.
 
Alf went to his sideboard and took out a bottle of sherry. ‘Drink?’ he asked already clutching two glasses.  
 
‘Oh, great! Don’t mind if I do.’ said Irene with something approaching a genuine smile "being as its Christmas an' all." She’d washed the glasses herself and anyway the alcohol would sterilize them further so there was no need to worry about picking up his germs..
 
“I see you like the Brazil nuts” said Alf pointing to the depleted bowl. “Please help yourself Irene they aren’t much use to me.” He gave her a wide grin pointing to his toothless mouth the sight of which nauseated her as she gave a strained smile.
 
A second sherry followed and then a third. Irene helped herself liberally to the nuts as they chatted. Alf said she could dispense with her cleaning duties early and go home as it would soon be Christmas and she must have lots to do. ‘Oh, and there’s only a few nuts left my dear. Why don’t you take them?’
 
As she wrapped the remaining nuts in a serviette Irene wondered why had the daft old fool bought Brazil nuts when hasn’t any teeth?  
 
As she reached the front door the sherry conspired with her curiosity and she asked “Did you buy these nuts just for me Alf?”  
 
‘Oh no dear’ came the amiable reply. ‘My young grandson brought them around and they looked far too nice to throw away but they’re simply no use to me once I’ve sucked the chocolate off!’