deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hate being sick
Sore throat
Feels like a rock stuck
Can't swallow
Runny nose
Slime dripping down
It's so uncomfortable
Being sick
It sucks
I hate being sick
Feels like a rock stuck
Can't swallow
Runny nose
Slime dripping down
It's so uncomfortable
Being sick
It sucks
I hate being sick
Published 11th Apr 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
12th Apr 2013 00:22am
You asked for honest critique.
The poem describes how it feels to have a cold or a flu. However it is not describing what you are missing. When one is sick, it is not only the physical symptoms that annoy us, it is also what we cannot do. To make this poem speak of your life, it would be helpful to know what you would normally do on an average day. I hate being sick also, because it prevents me from doing things that I enjoy and it prevents me from having contact with people. For the moment, it is best to just let the poem lie around and then in about a week or two, when you look at it again...you will see how to make it have more depth.
Write on and get well.
The poem describes how it feels to have a cold or a flu. However it is not describing what you are missing. When one is sick, it is not only the physical symptoms that annoy us, it is also what we cannot do. To make this poem speak of your life, it would be helpful to know what you would normally do on an average day. I hate being sick also, because it prevents me from doing things that I enjoy and it prevents me from having contact with people. For the moment, it is best to just let the poem lie around and then in about a week or two, when you look at it again...you will see how to make it have more depth.
Write on and get well.
12th Apr 2013 4:56pm
I totally agree you should have define why you hate being sick but it does not take away from your writing skills.
