I Said a Prayer

I said a prayer
For my mother to heal from cancer;
On bended knees the heavens I implored,
Her dear life to be forgiven and restored,
Her suffering to be taken utterly away;
But she continued to waste and to wither
Till in the gloomy ground to rest she lay.

I said a prayer
For my brother to become as clever as a lawyer;
With teary eyes the heavens I beseeched,
His steps to guide, his heart to be enriched;
But studies he quit and drugs he embraced,
And in alcohol a friend forever he found
Till in the coffin I tucked him death-draped.

I said a prayer
For me after school to find an employer;
Prostrate before the heavens helpless I cried
My efforts to bless, my fair fruits magnified;
But for years and years the city I trudged,
Scorned, rejected, spurned, dejected,
Till with hunger and despair became I drugged.

I said a prayer
For my darling woman to become not a betrayer;
Head bowed, knees supple, the heavens I entreated,
Our love to strengthen, our hearts to simplify, oh I pleaded;
But off she took; with our unborn she packed and left;
Penniless and jinxed are you, yelled she, Heaven hates you!
Not by such a God-forsaken coward do I wish to be kept!

I looked fixedly up onto the sky
And with a bitter soul and a hopeless heart asked God why;
Why my wretchedness, my damnation, why His silence?
Why the desolation, the anguish, why the violence?
Were my scarlet sins unforgivable, never ever to be made snow?
Were my abject prayers sweet music to His unmatched throne
So that never was I their tone to change and happiness to know?

The heavens opened, the august gate rendered ajar;
And thus came down the Creator’s voice from afar:
Were you with me when laid I the footing of the earth?
Have you intelligence to measure its gigantic girth?
Know you the tiny trifling jigger?
Know you how it determines its time to breed?
Tell me, son of man, if your understanding is bigger!

And I, failing in judgment,
Thinking the heavens only my misery to augment,
Thinking the earth and the jigger had nought to do with my doom,
Looked searchingly for a means to enter my tomb;
I deemed such a cruel fate only an eternal rest would allay:
A rope, a stool, a tree—and, dangling, eyes wide, tongue lolling,
Limbs limp, I saw the darkest of darkness on a vast display.
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