Submissions by starfading
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
a complicated mess, something disorganized and faded. withered away from countless lives and countless tries, i stand fractured–– but alive.
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
15th Sep 2018 10:11pm
15th Sep 2018 10:11pm
untitled ( 13 )
i can't stand to look at myself .
all i see is a monstrosity . something that my own family repulses . a man born in the wrong body . they don't understand . they think i do it for the attention or just to fit in . they don't believe me .
i thought i could trust my mother with how i felt . i cried in front of her , expressing how i wanted to be who i was . but she thinks i'm trying to get her attention . i will never confide in her again . i'd rather die than to be lied to about being supported .
i will never be normal again in their eyes . they will...
all i see is a monstrosity . something that my own family repulses . a man born in the wrong body . they don't understand . they think i do it for the attention or just to fit in . they don't believe me .
i thought i could trust my mother with how i felt . i cried in front of her , expressing how i wanted to be who i was . but she thinks i'm trying to get her attention . i will never confide in her again . i'd rather die than to be lied to about being supported .
i will never be normal again in their eyes . they will...
#depression
#dark
#emptiness #transgender
#emptiness #transgender
426 reads
3 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
16th Aug 2018 7:06pm
16th Aug 2018 7:06pm
untitled ( 12 )
i'm too much .
i'm too much in the sense of my sadness . everywhere i go , a cloud hangs over me and it can be felt by those who spend most of their time around me . it's heavy on my shoulders , and bothering my loved ones .
my forgetfulness is too much .
my sadness is too much .
my self harm , my fears , my anxieties , my mind .
i'm too much to handle . and i know eventually everyone will leave me alone to rot .
i deserve to be alone anyway . i'll be less of a bother .
i'm too much in the sense of my sadness . everywhere i go , a cloud hangs over me and it can be felt by those who spend most of their time around me . it's heavy on my shoulders , and bothering my loved ones .
my forgetfulness is too much .
my sadness is too much .
my self harm , my fears , my anxieties , my mind .
i'm too much to handle . and i know eventually everyone will leave me alone to rot .
i deserve to be alone anyway . i'll be less of a bother .
#dark
#heartbroken
412 reads
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
24th May 2018 4:11am
24th May 2018 4:11am
untitled ( 11 )
i was a child prodigy.
art was always my calling. i've been drawing as long as i can remember. i was praised. i won awards. i was important.
but after a while, life gets to you. depression, self harm, abusive relationships, romantic and familial. i still drew, but it wasn't as beautiful as it used to be.
my plan after high school was to take a year then go. ends up i was forced to go right after. i finished one year. one year and i never went back. if i had stuck with it, i would be graduating this year. i'd have something in place by now. instead i'm stuck...
art was always my calling. i've been drawing as long as i can remember. i was praised. i won awards. i was important.
but after a while, life gets to you. depression, self harm, abusive relationships, romantic and familial. i still drew, but it wasn't as beautiful as it used to be.
my plan after high school was to take a year then go. ends up i was forced to go right after. i finished one year. one year and i never went back. if i had stuck with it, i would be graduating this year. i'd have something in place by now. instead i'm stuck...
#emptiness
391 reads
0 Comments
DARK POEM
Published
16th May 2018 5:01am
16th May 2018 5:01am
untitled ( 10 )
i forget constantly that death isn't funny.
and it's strange, i've welcome death in my life like an old friend. he is not evil, for he quietly resides in the back of my mind while he sits and waits for me.
he waits for my final day, my will to end my life so he can finally hold me in his arms and tell me that i did okay. that i did the best that i could in life so i don't feel as bad about how my life turned out. this is how i see death.
whenever i make a morbid joke about my own death or suicide to others, it upsets them. meanwhile i am null and void to the...
and it's strange, i've welcome death in my life like an old friend. he is not evil, for he quietly resides in the back of my mind while he sits and waits for me.
he waits for my final day, my will to end my life so he can finally hold me in his arms and tell me that i did okay. that i did the best that i could in life so i don't feel as bad about how my life turned out. this is how i see death.
whenever i make a morbid joke about my own death or suicide to others, it upsets them. meanwhile i am null and void to the...
#grief
#suicide
#despair #emptiness
#despair #emptiness
479 reads
0 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
4th May 2018 4:50am
4th May 2018 4:50am
untitled ( 9 )
the light from my phone is the only thing i can see.
besides that my room is pitch black. not even the moon's gentle beams will shine in the window tonight. it's so quiet my ears are ringing. it makes my mind hazy.
it makes my eyes heavy and my heart swollen with emotion, and for particular reason at all, i want to die. i imagine what it would be like to pass peacefully in my sleep.
would i stay with my body in spirit? how long would it be for someone to notice? and are they crying for me, or crying over the sudden absence?
i try and drown the...
besides that my room is pitch black. not even the moon's gentle beams will shine in the window tonight. it's so quiet my ears are ringing. it makes my mind hazy.
it makes my eyes heavy and my heart swollen with emotion, and for particular reason at all, i want to die. i imagine what it would be like to pass peacefully in my sleep.
would i stay with my body in spirit? how long would it be for someone to notice? and are they crying for me, or crying over the sudden absence?
i try and drown the...
#anxiety
#loneliness
#dark
473 reads
0 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
2nd May 2018 4:54am
2nd May 2018 4:54am
untitled ( 8 )
do you know the moment you can just read the disappointment on someone's face?
i see it everyday. not physically, at least. it's more of a feeling.
that feeling where you can just feel the disappointment seething through the text on the screen and your heart caves in on itself, because it's not what you intended.
and the moment your heart caves in you just shut down. because you know you fucked up and you can't do anything to fix it. and saying sorry only makes things worse because now you can't stop apologizing, and when they tell you to stop all you can reply is...
i see it everyday. not physically, at least. it's more of a feeling.
that feeling where you can just feel the disappointment seething through the text on the screen and your heart caves in on itself, because it's not what you intended.
and the moment your heart caves in you just shut down. because you know you fucked up and you can't do anything to fix it. and saying sorry only makes things worse because now you can't stop apologizing, and when they tell you to stop all you can reply is...
#dark
436 reads
1 Comment
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
22nd Apr 2018 9:03pm
22nd Apr 2018 9:03pm
untitled ( 7 )
i'm not sure if i'll ever recover.
i'm told that eventually, with help and medicine, that the light at the end of the tunnel will finally appear and show it's calming face. that she will take my bruised and bloody hand in hers, pulling me out of the existential darkness within.
i have seen her, for her light is warm and full of love. i have ran to her, just waiting to be in her hold–– only to find myself further inside this forsaken tunnel. soon she is only a speck. then a glimmer. then gone.
i haven't seen her in such a long time, and i'm losing hope. my...
i'm told that eventually, with help and medicine, that the light at the end of the tunnel will finally appear and show it's calming face. that she will take my bruised and bloody hand in hers, pulling me out of the existential darkness within.
i have seen her, for her light is warm and full of love. i have ran to her, just waiting to be in her hold–– only to find myself further inside this forsaken tunnel. soon she is only a speck. then a glimmer. then gone.
i haven't seen her in such a long time, and i'm losing hope. my...
#depression
492 reads
2 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
21st Apr 2018 3:00am
21st Apr 2018 3:00am
untitled ( 6 )
i opened up old wounds.
reading that probably makes you think "oh no, they've hurt themselves."
"oh no, not the knife. the blade. the scissors."
these are not the wounds i am talking about.
i am talking about the wounds that are invisible, but have that heavy and unchanging hold over you.
wounds that are so damaging, even when a little slips through it feels like the world crashes. it feels like mine is.
i messaged him, and i told him goodbye. i told him i needed closure, something i never got in how we faded from each other. i tell him i might...
reading that probably makes you think "oh no, they've hurt themselves."
"oh no, not the knife. the blade. the scissors."
these are not the wounds i am talking about.
i am talking about the wounds that are invisible, but have that heavy and unchanging hold over you.
wounds that are so damaging, even when a little slips through it feels like the world crashes. it feels like mine is.
i messaged him, and i told him goodbye. i told him i needed closure, something i never got in how we faded from each other. i tell him i might...
#sadness
#anxiety
#regret
453 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
20th Feb 2018 2:42am
20th Feb 2018 2:42am
untitled ( 5 )
i'm stupid.
i don't listen to what others say wholly, sometimes i'll miss a word or two.
i'll completely misunderstand and when you call me out and say to listen, i'll freeze and apologize profusely.
i'm oversensitive.
when you tell me in a harsh tone, i will walk away and hide.
i'll find the nearest empty room or corner and i will let the tears run down my face knowing you must think i'm stupid.
i'm broken.
different pieces of myself hold different personalities, i can be nice to you but once you get me upset i'll lash out. usually...
i don't listen to what others say wholly, sometimes i'll miss a word or two.
i'll completely misunderstand and when you call me out and say to listen, i'll freeze and apologize profusely.
i'm oversensitive.
when you tell me in a harsh tone, i will walk away and hide.
i'll find the nearest empty room or corner and i will let the tears run down my face knowing you must think i'm stupid.
i'm broken.
different pieces of myself hold different personalities, i can be nice to you but once you get me upset i'll lash out. usually...
537 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
20th Feb 2018 2:42am
20th Feb 2018 2:42am
untitled ( 4 )
when my mind keeps me awake at night, i often find myself thinking.
not thinking like how we usually do in the day when we're occupied, but something entirely different.
i think about myself. where i'll be in the next few years.
who i'll be. will i be better? will i be worse?
will i finally be financially stable? will i have nothing to my name?
will i still be with my current partner? or will he grow bored of me and move on?
will i overcome my depression? will i give up and take death's hand?
will i find my place in the world? will i forever stick out...
not thinking like how we usually do in the day when we're occupied, but something entirely different.
i think about myself. where i'll be in the next few years.
who i'll be. will i be better? will i be worse?
will i finally be financially stable? will i have nothing to my name?
will i still be with my current partner? or will he grow bored of me and move on?
will i overcome my depression? will i give up and take death's hand?
will i find my place in the world? will i forever stick out...
411 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
25th Jan 2018 5:24am
25th Jan 2018 5:24am
untitled ( 3 )
i'm dirty.
i'm disgusting, filthy, used.
a body that's been stepped on, beaten, broken.
my body is my temple? my body is a wasteland.
there are flaws in my skin, imperfections and cracks litter all over.
freckles in wrong spots, birth marks that are too large, scars that
only serve as a painful reminder of my constant battle.
my body is not clean, my body is not taken care of.
my body does not belong to me, it belongs only to serve.
i'm disgusting, filthy, used.
a body that's been stepped on, beaten, broken.
my body is my temple? my body is a wasteland.
there are flaws in my skin, imperfections and cracks litter all over.
freckles in wrong spots, birth marks that are too large, scars that
only serve as a painful reminder of my constant battle.
my body is not clean, my body is not taken care of.
my body does not belong to me, it belongs only to serve.
566 reads
7 Comments
NON-FICTION PROSE
Published
24th Jan 2018 2:48am
24th Jan 2018 2:48am
untitled ( 2 )
it'll be seventeen years tomorrow.
seventeen years since i've told you i loved you to your face.
since i told you i missed you.
since i sat on your lap while you played the play station.
i was your little girl, a princess with too many dresses and plastic heels that clicked about the house.
a princess with a magic wand that could do anything i wanted.
i would of made you stay.
but it's been seventeen years and i'm not your little girl anymore.
instead i'm a man, a genderfluid man in love with a transgender man.
a man who...
seventeen years since i've told you i loved you to your face.
since i told you i missed you.
since i sat on your lap while you played the play station.
i was your little girl, a princess with too many dresses and plastic heels that clicked about the house.
a princess with a magic wand that could do anything i wanted.
i would of made you stay.
but it's been seventeen years and i'm not your little girl anymore.
instead i'm a man, a genderfluid man in love with a transgender man.
a man who...
538 reads
4 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by starfading
