untitled ( 13 )

i can't stand to look at myself .  
 
all i see is a monstrosity . something that my own family repulses .  a man born in the wrong body . they don't understand .  they think i do it for the attention or just to fit in .  they don't believe me .
 
i thought i could trust my mother with how i felt .  i cried in front of her ,  expressing how i wanted to be who i was .  but she thinks i'm trying to get her attention .  i will never confide in her again .  i'd rather die than to be lied to about being supported .
 
i will never be normal again in their eyes .  they will never believe me . they will always thing think that i'm doing this to earn attention or to fit in somewhere .  i will die knowing that they'll never know me as reese ,  but as ****** ,  who has died .  she's been gone for years ,  even without me realizing it .
 
i am disgusting .  i am a monster .  i am immoral .  i am filthy .  i am a demon in human flesh .  i am a dead man walking .
 
i will never be enough .