Submissions by Matthias_Crossed (Matthias Lambert)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
LOVE POEM
Published
12th Oct 2018 9:59am
12th Oct 2018 9:59am
Different views
What you see as paranoia,
I see as being prepared for everything
...even when some of the things are improbable and impossible.
You say I am a bundle of anxiety.
I say I am just overly rational and can already know for certain that things will go wrong.
You declare me double checking the door obsessive,
Especially when I do it six times in a row.
I would tell you I'm just making sure we are safe.
I check all the books on my shelf twice a day to make sure they are all still in order.
You told me to stop because it is weird..
But I know for...
I see as being prepared for everything
...even when some of the things are improbable and impossible.
You say I am a bundle of anxiety.
I say I am just overly rational and can already know for certain that things will go wrong.
You declare me double checking the door obsessive,
Especially when I do it six times in a row.
I would tell you I'm just making sure we are safe.
I check all the books on my shelf twice a day to make sure they are all still in order.
You told me to stop because it is weird..
But I know for...
#breakup
#OCD
#MentalHealth #myself
#MentalHealth #myself
409 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
12th Oct 2018 6:45am
12th Oct 2018 6:45am
I am not at home
I feel like a stranger in my own home.
I am like a ghost wandering the halls.
No, not even that.
I am but the faint memory of a ghost that remains here.
My home is not here.
My home died years ago when a girl left and a boy took her place.
My home broke into pieces when that boy wanted to be with another boy.
MY HOME ABANDONED WHAT MADE IT A HOME.
Choosing religion over love.
The lord over their own children,
A being who doesn't have to live with this hatred over the child sitting across from them at the dinner table.
The child who...
I am like a ghost wandering the halls.
No, not even that.
I am but the faint memory of a ghost that remains here.
My home is not here.
My home died years ago when a girl left and a boy took her place.
My home broke into pieces when that boy wanted to be with another boy.
MY HOME ABANDONED WHAT MADE IT A HOME.
Choosing religion over love.
The lord over their own children,
A being who doesn't have to live with this hatred over the child sitting across from them at the dinner table.
The child who...
#depression
#LGBT
#suicide
#religion
#transgender
390 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
29th Sep 2018 7:44pm
29th Sep 2018 7:44pm
I do not get hugs, I do not cry
I have lived this long in the shadow of care.
I do not get hugs. People don't hug me.
I dont know what a warm embrace is except the one I get from my blanket when I hide in my room and wrap it around me so tight that it becomes a cacoon glued to my skin that'll one day turn me into something better.
I don't want you to feel sorry for me if you yourself refuse to hug me. I don't care the reason but don't feel sorry for me. I am not a fragile doll made of the finest porcelain. I should know. I have been trampled and beaten and bruised by the ones that I love to know I am not...
I do not get hugs. People don't hug me.
I dont know what a warm embrace is except the one I get from my blanket when I hide in my room and wrap it around me so tight that it becomes a cacoon glued to my skin that'll one day turn me into something better.
I don't want you to feel sorry for me if you yourself refuse to hug me. I don't care the reason but don't feel sorry for me. I am not a fragile doll made of the finest porcelain. I should know. I have been trampled and beaten and bruised by the ones that I love to know I am not...
#sadness
#depression
#hell #emotional
#hell #emotional
356 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
25th Sep 2018 2:19am
25th Sep 2018 2:19am
The book
I read the same book over and over again. In its word I find comfort knowing it will never change but the story will forever excite me. I find new details each and every time. This book keeps me grounded to a life I knew before all this started. Before my life became a book of medical reports, doctors visits and imagings of my brain and body. This book. This brilliant blue book. These 338 pages of sanctuary are all I have left and all I will ever know. This will be my fifteenth time reading. My thousandth time thinking about it and my first time telling anyone why. It isn't because I've...
#love
#hope
#books
349 reads
1 Comment
LOVE POEM
Published
9th Sep 2018 6:51am
9th Sep 2018 6:51am
Is silence safe?
Dear reader,
I thought i was careful with how i spoke.
Yet in the end,
My words still stab deeper than any blade.
I still cant figure out how to turn my words from daggers into flowers for him.
But please know i am trying my best.
Dear reader,
I thought i figured out how to turn my words into flowers.
I was wrong.
Instead i handed him the bush thorny stems first.
I am still trying..
I don't know if he wants me to though.
Dear reader,
I am certain I have figured it out.
I know the answer. If i dont speak then...
I thought i was careful with how i spoke.
Yet in the end,
My words still stab deeper than any blade.
I still cant figure out how to turn my words from daggers into flowers for him.
But please know i am trying my best.
Dear reader,
I thought i figured out how to turn my words into flowers.
I was wrong.
Instead i handed him the bush thorny stems first.
I am still trying..
I don't know if he wants me to though.
Dear reader,
I am certain I have figured it out.
I know the answer. If i dont speak then...
#love
#ImSorry
#silence #suffering
#silence #suffering
405 reads
1 Comment
LOVE POEM
Published
4th Sep 2018 9:06am
4th Sep 2018 9:06am
Stay with me
I miss when i could fall asleep in your arms,
So warm and safe.
Waking up later to see you've fallen asleep too.
I never wanted to wake you because you were so cute while you slept.
But you're sleepy face was cute too.
So i always woke you because you ended up having to go home.
I remember walking you to the door,
Standing on my tippy toes but still being barely out of reach.
Youd always crouch down super short as a joke to give me a kiss goodbye and then id watch you walk away.
I miss that.
I want that again but i dont want to have...
So warm and safe.
Waking up later to see you've fallen asleep too.
I never wanted to wake you because you were so cute while you slept.
But you're sleepy face was cute too.
So i always woke you because you ended up having to go home.
I remember walking you to the door,
Standing on my tippy toes but still being barely out of reach.
Youd always crouch down super short as a joke to give me a kiss goodbye and then id watch you walk away.
I miss that.
I want that again but i dont want to have...
#anxiety
#love
#depression
#loneliness
#LongDistanceRelationship
418 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
4th Sep 2018 7:21am
4th Sep 2018 7:21am
Sincerely, me
Dear mom and dad,
Im wearing boxers today.
Where did i get them you may ask?
I got them from friend,
And i know what you're thinking but no.
SHE is just a friend.
Dear mom and dad,
I wore my first binder today.
You probably didn't notice
But for that im grateful.
Dear mom and dad,
I got my first hormone shot today and my friend passed away.
Im on my own now
And thats okay.
Dear friend,
Thank you for everything. Im sorry i used our skateboard money on boxers and that I used the rest on a binder. I...
Im wearing boxers today.
Where did i get them you may ask?
I got them from friend,
And i know what you're thinking but no.
SHE is just a friend.
Dear mom and dad,
I wore my first binder today.
You probably didn't notice
But for that im grateful.
Dear mom and dad,
I got my first hormone shot today and my friend passed away.
Im on my own now
And thats okay.
Dear friend,
Thank you for everything. Im sorry i used our skateboard money on boxers and that I used the rest on a binder. I...
#ImSorry
#LGBT
#money #transgender
#money #transgender
392 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
24th Aug 2018 5:19pm
24th Aug 2018 5:19pm
Like a wound
Im a boy
But once a month i bleed.
I wear a pad,
Putting it between my legs like gauze to cover a fatal wound.
Hoping and praying for the blood to stop,
Like any girl would do and does they repeat this until the week ends.
But as a boy,
I am not allowed to become emotional,
Or get upset and cry over little things.
As my body is expelling blood as if I got stabbed.
I have to pretend I don't feel the stabbing pains in my stomach.
Pretend at this time it doesnt hurt to bind.
I still bleed once a month but that doesn't make...
But once a month i bleed.
I wear a pad,
Putting it between my legs like gauze to cover a fatal wound.
Hoping and praying for the blood to stop,
Like any girl would do and does they repeat this until the week ends.
But as a boy,
I am not allowed to become emotional,
Or get upset and cry over little things.
As my body is expelling blood as if I got stabbed.
I have to pretend I don't feel the stabbing pains in my stomach.
Pretend at this time it doesnt hurt to bind.
I still bleed once a month but that doesn't make...
#men
#identity
#LGBT
330 reads
0 Comments
OBSERVATIONAL POEM
Published
20th Aug 2018 11:16pm
20th Aug 2018 11:16pm
Labeled "human"
There is a box for everyone.
Each one of us labeled and stuffed inside.
The box being one of millions.
From inside the box, you feel secure and safe.
Everyone around you knows what you are going through and how you feel.
There are those who are forgotten though.
Those who live labelless and wander the roaws outside the boxs,
Forever wondering what is inside them.
Never to know.
There are those who have so many labels they can't be put in a single box.
They too wander the rows.
They are the exact opposite of the labelless but still...
Each one of us labeled and stuffed inside.
The box being one of millions.
From inside the box, you feel secure and safe.
Everyone around you knows what you are going through and how you feel.
There are those who are forgotten though.
Those who live labelless and wander the roaws outside the boxs,
Forever wondering what is inside them.
Never to know.
There are those who have so many labels they can't be put in a single box.
They too wander the rows.
They are the exact opposite of the labelless but still...
#loneliness
#identity
#LifeStruggles
398 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
20th Aug 2018 10:30am
20th Aug 2018 10:30am
Hating self-hate
Because one way of self-hate wasnt enough.
I have begun to not only hate the body i am trapped in,
The cage of flesh and bones,
A body of the wrong sex.
A body that doesnt even function properly and has permanently put me in a chair,
But also the size of it.
I threw up today.
The mirror showed me such a vial image,
It made me physically sick.
A distorted figure of muffin tops and stomach rolls,
Invisible collar bones that im not even sure exist
And a bundle of fat and skin at the crease off my arm when it connects to my...
I have begun to not only hate the body i am trapped in,
The cage of flesh and bones,
A body of the wrong sex.
A body that doesnt even function properly and has permanently put me in a chair,
But also the size of it.
I threw up today.
The mirror showed me such a vial image,
It made me physically sick.
A distorted figure of muffin tops and stomach rolls,
Invisible collar bones that im not even sure exist
And a bundle of fat and skin at the crease off my arm when it connects to my...
#hate
#identity
#illness #MentalHealth
#illness #MentalHealth
424 reads
0 Comments
LOVE POEM
Published
15th Aug 2018 9:15am
15th Aug 2018 9:15am
I understand the colors
I was the sea, chaotic and lost,
A deep blue.
You were the sun, bright and warm,
A shining gold.
You reached out to me.
Your glisening rays changed me.
I became a beautiful teal.
Over time the teal turned to green.
You decided you never wanted the gradiant green i now am and left.
Leaving me here, a now dingy green, forever changed by the bond we had.
You calmed my waters,
You mellowed me from an angry roar into a kind song.
You made me what i wanted to be and then left.
For that i thank you.
I aided you...
A deep blue.
You were the sun, bright and warm,
A shining gold.
You reached out to me.
Your glisening rays changed me.
I became a beautiful teal.
Over time the teal turned to green.
You decided you never wanted the gradiant green i now am and left.
Leaving me here, a now dingy green, forever changed by the bond we had.
You calmed my waters,
You mellowed me from an angry roar into a kind song.
You made me what i wanted to be and then left.
For that i thank you.
I aided you...
#love
#heartbroken
#breakup #emotional
#breakup #emotional
433 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
30th Jul 2018 1:51am
30th Jul 2018 1:51am
Hunger pains
Hunger pains.
They keep me alive,
Showing me the progress I am making.
The stuff I am giving up for beauty.
The cramps and aches are addicting.
Like the high you get right before a big fall on a rollercoaster.
You want it again despite the fear.
I know that this is bad for me but I can't give up on it.
Pretending I'm not hungry has become more than second nature because it's no longer pretend.
I'm just not hungry.
They keep me alive,
Showing me the progress I am making.
The stuff I am giving up for beauty.
The cramps and aches are addicting.
Like the high you get right before a big fall on a rollercoaster.
You want it again despite the fear.
I know that this is bad for me but I can't give up on it.
Pretending I'm not hungry has become more than second nature because it's no longer pretend.
I'm just not hungry.
#illness
#MentalHealth
#suffering
367 reads
2 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Matthias_Crossed (Matthias Lambert)
