Submissions by Jonestyra
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
SELF POEM
Published
19th Jul 2020 5:55am
19th Jul 2020 5:55am
Untitled
I've been trapped in my head, in this body that's not mine anymore for far too long. I thought I deserved this. I felt guilty that you were trapped inside four walls with bars around it because of me. I thought how selfish was I for aching about my story when there are women who aren't so lucky, at least you stopped eventually right? I've been feeling like I'm a waste, like no matter what I say, no matter what I do, you've defeated me. I can say I'm over this, I can lay here and scream that I forgive you, after all, you're not really to blame. I can tell you and everyone else that I'm strong...
#MeToo
248 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
12th Jul 2020 4:26am
12th Jul 2020 4:26am
Poem for you...
Here's another poem to you.
Since you filled my dreams with nightmares and the daytime too, there are very few things I hate but the deepest one is you.
If I could describe the level of theft you've caused it would be never ending, the fact that a grown woman has to sleep with a flashlight on must make you feel real tough.
The impact was so skin deep it makes me feel defeated because subconsciously I'm terrified.
I keep waking up, tears filling my eyes, thinking you must be here somewhere....it must have been real....it felt so real....
Do you understand what it's...
Since you filled my dreams with nightmares and the daytime too, there are very few things I hate but the deepest one is you.
If I could describe the level of theft you've caused it would be never ending, the fact that a grown woman has to sleep with a flashlight on must make you feel real tough.
The impact was so skin deep it makes me feel defeated because subconsciously I'm terrified.
I keep waking up, tears filling my eyes, thinking you must be here somewhere....it must have been real....it felt so real....
Do you understand what it's...
#MeToo
391 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
9th Jul 2020 2:50am
9th Jul 2020 2:50am
The truth is...
The truth is, I look both ways before crossing the street now.
The truth is, when I see someone walking on the sidewalk next to me I cross the street even if it's not where I intended to go in the beginning.
The truth is, on the good days I only check the jail roster once, on the bad it's an endless cycle.
The truth is, you've managed to scare me in more than one way.
The truth is, you've turned my empathy into apathy.
The truth is, the monsters in my dreams aren't coming from under the bed anymore, they're much closer.
The truth is, I still feel your body on...
The truth is, when I see someone walking on the sidewalk next to me I cross the street even if it's not where I intended to go in the beginning.
The truth is, on the good days I only check the jail roster once, on the bad it's an endless cycle.
The truth is, you've managed to scare me in more than one way.
The truth is, you've turned my empathy into apathy.
The truth is, the monsters in my dreams aren't coming from under the bed anymore, they're much closer.
The truth is, I still feel your body on...
#dark
#MeToo
309 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
4th Jul 2020 5:01am
4th Jul 2020 5:01am
Dear you.
Dear you.
You stole pieces of me I'll never get back.
You took my strength and you didn't give it back.
You took my whole body and claimed that you owned it.
I was taught to say no like a warrior but that didn't matter to you.
You took my lips and forced them on yours.
You took my knees and made them unsteady.
You took my soul and broke into it without a key.
You stole my dreams, you stole my memory.
Dear you, just incase you didn't know what you did to me.
You stole pieces of me I'll never get back.
You took my strength and you didn't give it back.
You took my whole body and claimed that you owned it.
I was taught to say no like a warrior but that didn't matter to you.
You took my lips and forced them on yours.
You took my knees and made them unsteady.
You took my soul and broke into it without a key.
You stole my dreams, you stole my memory.
Dear you, just incase you didn't know what you did to me.
#sadness
#heartbroken
#shame
308 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
28th Jun 2020 2:52am
28th Jun 2020 2:52am
Maybe if...
Maybe if I hadn't mumbled under my breath the word no he would have stopped.
Maybe if I had been braver and raised my voice when he kept pushing me closer I wouldn't have been so hard to hear
Maybe if I hadn't worn those pants that made me feel beautiful within my curves I wouldn't have enticed his mind
Maybe if my hand wouldn't have been still, if my heart wasn't pounding, if my eyes weren't crying, maybe if I didn't look so afraid he would have taken the word no seriously.
Maybe if I took my frozen body and pushed him when his hands grabbed me maybe I could have ran...
Maybe if I had been braver and raised my voice when he kept pushing me closer I wouldn't have been so hard to hear
Maybe if I hadn't worn those pants that made me feel beautiful within my curves I wouldn't have enticed his mind
Maybe if my hand wouldn't have been still, if my heart wasn't pounding, if my eyes weren't crying, maybe if I didn't look so afraid he would have taken the word no seriously.
Maybe if I took my frozen body and pushed him when his hands grabbed me maybe I could have ran...
#MeToo
386 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
16th Feb 2020 9:36pm
16th Feb 2020 9:36pm
Dont you understand?!
#suicide
505 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
18th Jan 2020 6:20pm
18th Jan 2020 6:20pm
A poem to my counselor
As I sit glossy eyed trying hard to hide my fractured heart that's breaking inside I let out a smile and try to mask the pain that my wounds and scars clearly can't hide I breathe and tell her my secrets even though she already knows them all, all of my faults and my weaknesses, I'm pretty sure she's seen them all but I still have a hard time not shoving her and my heart behind this wall that I've created to keep me safe
I am a disgrace.
Disgusting.
Worthless.
Im not even as valuable as the gum I picked off of my shoe earlier, even that had a purpose, to lay in someone's...
I am a disgrace.
Disgusting.
Worthless.
Im not even as valuable as the gum I picked off of my shoe earlier, even that had a purpose, to lay in someone's...
#hope
272 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
13th Jan 2020 8:49am
13th Jan 2020 8:49am
Suicide
All these thoughts in my mind they won't leave me alone.
I can scream that I'm happy but on the inside I know that I'm lying.
I'm here on the outside but on the inside I just need to be alone.
I feel trapped again in my mind, in my home.
I go to sleep wishing that I would just stop surviving, I'm not thriving.
The thought crosses my mind too much.
I'm too weak.
I'm not enough.
I never really was.
Look at all this pain and grief I've caused.
I'm not just lost, I'm a lost cause. ...
I can scream that I'm happy but on the inside I know that I'm lying.
I'm here on the outside but on the inside I just need to be alone.
I feel trapped again in my mind, in my home.
I go to sleep wishing that I would just stop surviving, I'm not thriving.
The thought crosses my mind too much.
I'm too weak.
I'm not enough.
I never really was.
Look at all this pain and grief I've caused.
I'm not just lost, I'm a lost cause. ...
#sadness
#loneliness
#heartbroken #shame
#heartbroken #shame
318 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
27th Dec 2019 3:24am
27th Dec 2019 3:24am
Untitled (For now)
Unwanted is me
Trapped inside this heart is a beat
Completing life is hard when all you see is defeat
Running with broken feet.
What are you so afraid of?
Nothing.
Nothing except losing you.
I struggle with abandonment
When I feel like people are leaving I start panicing.
I wish that it would get better and I could get it together, but I don't think it's going to change.
Nothing scares me more than being me.
Forced to deal with the disappointment that is me.
Not worthy
Not to my parents
Not to the...
Trapped inside this heart is a beat
Completing life is hard when all you see is defeat
Running with broken feet.
What are you so afraid of?
Nothing.
Nothing except losing you.
I struggle with abandonment
When I feel like people are leaving I start panicing.
I wish that it would get better and I could get it together, but I don't think it's going to change.
Nothing scares me more than being me.
Forced to deal with the disappointment that is me.
Not worthy
Not to my parents
Not to the...
#sadness
#rejection
314 reads
3 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
25th Dec 2019 4:32pm
25th Dec 2019 4:32pm
The Darkest corners
You live hidden in the recesses of my mind
A perpetual spoon scraping away at the inside of my heart
My darkness carries you like the wings of an angel
Bringing you from the depths to the surface
We are drawn together by my human nature
Despite all the good there is also an evil within me
I can always hear the sardonic laughter echoing
Your voice will always be ringing in my ear
This desire to inflict pain is born of your hunger
An unquenchable thirst that would drink the world dry
You'll always revel in the fact that I am drawn...
A perpetual spoon scraping away at the inside of my heart
My darkness carries you like the wings of an angel
Bringing you from the depths to the surface
We are drawn together by my human nature
Despite all the good there is also an evil within me
I can always hear the sardonic laughter echoing
Your voice will always be ringing in my ear
This desire to inflict pain is born of your hunger
An unquenchable thirst that would drink the world dry
You'll always revel in the fact that I am drawn...
#sadness
387 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
25th Dec 2019 4:11pm
25th Dec 2019 4:11pm
To desire love is to silently die...
This is becoming too much.
I'm being held up by this desire just to be loved.
It's foolish, I'm older now I should be over this uncomfortable feeling of trying so hard to please them and accepting that love isn't free it's earned by being only the best you can be
But I don't want to fight for a spot anymore I want to rest, I thought I had passed the test but it's clear to me that I didn't.
You don't love me and it kills me
These thoughts in my head sometimes they confuse me.
I'm better off where I don't leak any of my toxic juices on my family
I am...
I'm being held up by this desire just to be loved.
It's foolish, I'm older now I should be over this uncomfortable feeling of trying so hard to please them and accepting that love isn't free it's earned by being only the best you can be
But I don't want to fight for a spot anymore I want to rest, I thought I had passed the test but it's clear to me that I didn't.
You don't love me and it kills me
These thoughts in my head sometimes they confuse me.
I'm better off where I don't leak any of my toxic juices on my family
I am...
#sadness
#grief
#rejection
#heartbroken
#shame
389 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
24th Dec 2019 7:03am
24th Dec 2019 7:03am
Confessions of a cutter
#dark
366 reads
9 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Jonestyra
