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Poetry competition CLOSED 19th June 2014 2:09am
WINNER
kriticool
kriticool
RUNNER-UP:
johnrot
Damn The Gods
Poetry Contest Description
when I spit in the eye of the gods, then I'll smile - Clash of the Titans
Let's do a little god (not necessarily the Christian God) bashing. Go ahead, take your best shot at whatever divine being that pisses you off the most. Is it The God? Satan? Odin? Amon-Ra? The undead levitating spaghetti god of doom? Take your pick but make it funny
TWO WEEKS
NEW POEMS ONLY
AT LEAST 150 WORDS
RHYME IT
MAKE ME LAUGH
TWO WEEKS
NEW POEMS ONLY
AT LEAST 150 WORDS
RHYME IT
MAKE ME LAUGH
The Company of Gods
Who’d want to keep the company of gods?
They’re vain, ill-tempered, selfish and unfair;
In any game they’ll always rig the odds.
They never lose, they don’t know how to share.
The Greek lot never played by any rules,
Zeus lied and cheated, threw his weight about,
Sated his lust, treated men like fools,
Devoid of pity, conscience or self-doubt.
But would the Bible’s God be to your taste?
Can you imagine having Him round to dinner?
Vindictive, vengeful, always laying waste,
And it’s hell for ever for the poor, weak sinner.
No, gods, I think, should entertain themselves,
Along with monsters, fairies, gnomes and elves.
(Less than 150 words, but I can't write to a specified word number. I think it fulfils all the other criteria, though whether it makes you laugh depends on your sense of humour.)
Who’d want to keep the company of gods?
They’re vain, ill-tempered, selfish and unfair;
In any game they’ll always rig the odds.
They never lose, they don’t know how to share.
The Greek lot never played by any rules,
Zeus lied and cheated, threw his weight about,
Sated his lust, treated men like fools,
Devoid of pity, conscience or self-doubt.
But would the Bible’s God be to your taste?
Can you imagine having Him round to dinner?
Vindictive, vengeful, always laying waste,
And it’s hell for ever for the poor, weak sinner.
No, gods, I think, should entertain themselves,
Along with monsters, fairies, gnomes and elves.
(Less than 150 words, but I can't write to a specified word number. I think it fulfils all the other criteria, though whether it makes you laugh depends on your sense of humour.)
Anonymous
Virgin my ass
She is known by many names
Diana
The huntress
Artemis
By any name she's a bitch
Legend says she turns Archeron into a stag and had her hunting dogs tear him apart just for spying on her bathing in the woods---that's just fucked up---what there isn't enough pools to bathe in on Mt Olympus?
Entitled douchebag, she isn't any virgin
I mean really she's got the power to repair her own hymen!
I just bet she's a total whore
Ass in the air, hands on the floor, screaming yeah big daddy Zeus fuck me some more!!!
Brother Appollo to follow and you know that bitch loves to swallow.......
Virginal white robes don't mean shit if your a hypocrite
Goddess of the hunt----pfffftt----more like she a big old cunt
I take comfort in the fact that the only people
worshiping this fuckbag these days are men hating hags
Dear Diana you a ho and you can take that bow and well you already know........
She is known by many names
Diana
The huntress
Artemis
By any name she's a bitch
Legend says she turns Archeron into a stag and had her hunting dogs tear him apart just for spying on her bathing in the woods---that's just fucked up---what there isn't enough pools to bathe in on Mt Olympus?
Entitled douchebag, she isn't any virgin
I mean really she's got the power to repair her own hymen!
I just bet she's a total whore
Ass in the air, hands on the floor, screaming yeah big daddy Zeus fuck me some more!!!
Brother Appollo to follow and you know that bitch loves to swallow.......
Virginal white robes don't mean shit if your a hypocrite
Goddess of the hunt----pfffftt----more like she a big old cunt
I take comfort in the fact that the only people
worshiping this fuckbag these days are men hating hags
Dear Diana you a ho and you can take that bow and well you already know........
Dam the gods
Dam the gods they are
All a bunch of fuckin frauds
Just a bunch of shit
Fabricated to control the meek
Its the money making scam of the week
For the last 2000 years
Its not my fault u cant smell the shit
While you are on your knees so
Put your hands togher and pray
And hopefully god will save the day
Hold on to that little sunshine ray
If its salvation u seek go hold the hand
Of a catholic priest for a day he will fix your week
Maybe have him watch your kids
He will do the work of the lord
Probably with his pork sword
Evolution has been proven
Over and over now your just grasping
At straws god, gods pffft bunch of
Fuckin frauds we where all monkeys at one
Time
Its called science
So throw your faith out the window
jump in a lake and join the
Human race
God is fake
For fuck sake
Wen i was 15 i rolled
A half ounce joint with
Page 420 from the bible
Thats the only time i was
Close to jc and it made me puke
Fuck god its all a fiscad
I would rather kiss a cod
He can lick my rod
Pull your head out of your ass
Your being controlled by
Something that dosent
Exhist
Dam the gods they are
All a bunch of fuckin frauds
Just a bunch of shit
Fabricated to control the meek
Its the money making scam of the week
For the last 2000 years
Its not my fault u cant smell the shit
While you are on your knees so
Put your hands togher and pray
And hopefully god will save the day
Hold on to that little sunshine ray
If its salvation u seek go hold the hand
Of a catholic priest for a day he will fix your week
Maybe have him watch your kids
He will do the work of the lord
Probably with his pork sword
Evolution has been proven
Over and over now your just grasping
At straws god, gods pffft bunch of
Fuckin frauds we where all monkeys at one
Time
Its called science
So throw your faith out the window
jump in a lake and join the
Human race
God is fake
For fuck sake
Wen i was 15 i rolled
A half ounce joint with
Page 420 from the bible
Thats the only time i was
Close to jc and it made me puke
Fuck god its all a fiscad
I would rather kiss a cod
He can lick my rod
Pull your head out of your ass
Your being controlled by
Something that dosent
Exhist
Anonymous
*raising eyebrow at WaterViolet* I thought this was a comp to diss the gods, not the people who follow them.
I'll be back... :)
I'll be back... :)
Anonymous
Mother...
People today like to cover all their bases
pay homage to anything
"just in case"
better to be safe...
rub the fat mans belly and admit he was really skinny
it's only eight rules and they're easy
praise Jesus and Mary but realize they were brown
and probably called Fatima and Mohammed
and Mohammed said the same shit in Arabic
because in Mecca Jehovah sounds like Allah
maybe it's the desert
and Krishna with all his arms should be offered a sweet
because you can pick a million ninety-nine other Gods
over him and he doesn't give a shit
let him play his flute and chant his name
flirt with Ganesha or Shiva occasionally
Scientology has a point when you look at
modern medicine and technology
and if the mother ship is coming
you'll want a ticket outta this planet
Quakers help you live without Monsanto
like we were meant to
and Mormons, well
if you wanna share everything
they're the family to get into
Mt. Olympus was great for literature
gave us stories of all the old Gods
to be safest
worship nature
she's been consistent through the ages
and we're all at her mercy
People today like to cover all their bases
pay homage to anything
"just in case"
better to be safe...
rub the fat mans belly and admit he was really skinny
it's only eight rules and they're easy
praise Jesus and Mary but realize they were brown
and probably called Fatima and Mohammed
and Mohammed said the same shit in Arabic
because in Mecca Jehovah sounds like Allah
maybe it's the desert
and Krishna with all his arms should be offered a sweet
because you can pick a million ninety-nine other Gods
over him and he doesn't give a shit
let him play his flute and chant his name
flirt with Ganesha or Shiva occasionally
Scientology has a point when you look at
modern medicine and technology
and if the mother ship is coming
you'll want a ticket outta this planet
Quakers help you live without Monsanto
like we were meant to
and Mormons, well
if you wanna share everything
they're the family to get into
Mt. Olympus was great for literature
gave us stories of all the old Gods
to be safest
worship nature
she's been consistent through the ages
and we're all at her mercy
Anonymous
THE ALL POWER FOOL
“There is no God. You must believe
we all came from the raging sea.”
So said the walrus as he bounced
wet jelly fish upon his knee.
“No!” cried the cabbage king who munched
the meat of Jersey Jerkalots.
“The sun is our soul origin.
We are fire children of sunspots.”
“You smoke too much seaweed, Walrus
and Cabbage Head, you drag on fags.
Truth is we all are lunar tunes.
Dead moon sings as our mother hag.”
“OH shut your trap, you green cheese mouse
before you stick your foot in it!
God does exist within us all.”
“And your god is butt monkey shit.”
"DAMN YOU YOUNG BUGBOO! WHO MADE YOU GOD?!
GO KISS YOUR DODO! CURSE YOUR BAD COD!"
So on and so forth (backwards too)
Mudslinging gods did argue who
had bigger tadpoles in the pool
and who was The All Power Fool.
“There is no God. You must believe
we all came from the raging sea.”
So said the walrus as he bounced
wet jelly fish upon his knee.
“No!” cried the cabbage king who munched
the meat of Jersey Jerkalots.
“The sun is our soul origin.
We are fire children of sunspots.”
“You smoke too much seaweed, Walrus
and Cabbage Head, you drag on fags.
Truth is we all are lunar tunes.
Dead moon sings as our mother hag.”
“OH shut your trap, you green cheese mouse
before you stick your foot in it!
God does exist within us all.”
“And your god is butt monkey shit.”
"DAMN YOU YOUNG BUGBOO! WHO MADE YOU GOD?!
GO KISS YOUR DODO! CURSE YOUR BAD COD!"
So on and so forth (backwards too)
Mudslinging gods did argue who
had bigger tadpoles in the pool
and who was The All Power Fool.
Anonymous
EDIT: I finally fixed it. That makes mine exactly 150 words (if title is included. 
Anonymous
So Jesus walks into an inn
and says to the innkeeper can you put me up for the night?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey God it's me
We haven't spoken since 83'
because your ignorant ass has been avoiding me
Your snake oil salesmen keep telling me you have a plan
Yeah, apparently it consists entirely
of you fucking with me as much as you can
I think you owe me
but you be acting like you don't know me
I need a miracle, what's the fee?
WHAT!!!
You're fucking crazy?
You're full of bologna
Fucking phonie
One trick pony
You can blow me---homie
Listen slick you and your faggety ass son
can slip, fall, and land right on a big fat dick!
I guess what I am trying to say
is you are a let down in every fucking single way
and only one thing left to say
Fuck off have a fantastic eternity
You suck ass deity!!!
and says to the innkeeper can you put me up for the night?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey God it's me
We haven't spoken since 83'
because your ignorant ass has been avoiding me
Your snake oil salesmen keep telling me you have a plan
Yeah, apparently it consists entirely
of you fucking with me as much as you can
I think you owe me
but you be acting like you don't know me
I need a miracle, what's the fee?
WHAT!!!
You're fucking crazy?
You're full of bologna
Fucking phonie
One trick pony
You can blow me---homie
Listen slick you and your faggety ass son
can slip, fall, and land right on a big fat dick!
I guess what I am trying to say
is you are a let down in every fucking single way
and only one thing left to say
Fuck off have a fantastic eternity
You suck ass deity!!!
