Addiction

Addiction Dreams

I haven't prayed for seven days now.
The nightmares that plagued me ten years ago
have returned. I'm not getting enough sleep
and the sleep I'm getting hasn't been very restful.
But I haven't killed anyone yet, nor have I
started any fights, so that's good.

Separation from my God continues to wreak havoc
on me in tiny unanticipated ways. I wake up
confused and muddy-minded, unaware of who
or where I am, the tendrils of disappearing
dreams releasing my mind slowly, regretfully.
When talking with others my mouth runs away
from me, annoying myself and those I'm
speaking with. When I try to run my body
cries and sobs, naming all kinds of aches
and pains with the fury of a friend betrayed.

I want to go crawling back to my God and beg
forgiveness. But I know She'll take me back
if I do, whispering sweet nothings while
robbing me of my self-control and clarity
of thought. She wants nothing more than
my complete surrender, and I must not allow
that anymore. She wafts around, over,
and through my body, filling me with Her spirit,
tantalizing me with ideas on the border of
madness and genius. Sweet Sappho I want her.
I want her so bad. So bad...

She will enslave me if I allow it, and She
will make me love it. She wants to take
my pain, my fatigue, my annoyance and anger,
if only I will worship Her. I must not bend
to Her will. I must stand alone, shouldering
by myself all the burdens that make me free,
while She watches with amusement, waiting for me to slip.

For the sake of my spirit, I can't.
But I miss Her with all my soul...

Veins of liquefying ice
Cold they run
In self made rivers
Down to drown the mass
Entrapped for a moment
And forever to remain
Shivers of foreboding premonition
Slivers of memories flash
As from a projection machine
Broken from a lifetime of abuse
Tokens of all lies and truth
And the cleansing begins
From the edge of sanity
To all hell inside
Of life’s catacombs
And to heaven
Oh, such pleasure
All are taken to this heaven
Forever to remain!
Forever or never?
Abatement begins
What is left?
A heart of ice
And a soul of stone
Only to indulge again

Thank you all who have entered. Keep 'em coming.

Unborn
Unheard
Unwelcome
He comes,
in an earthquake of splendor;
"Evil Thief of Forever".

Controller of direction
for all of the woes-
an individual can imagine.
He patiently slows.

In a mask-
In a castle-
Guiding light-
He persuades:
- the naive to follow
- and the old to obey.

Whichever outfit imagined,
as a prince or as a moon;
he can do it to destroy me
if I allow Him to.

*
A man - made device  
first invented from greed,
was used to enhance a soldiers ability.

From evil it was created.  
And for evil it does serve,
dressed in fancy introductions
towards a future undeserved.

Average minds cannot contend
against the grips of true addiction.
The need becomes priority-
then comes the limitation.

We can bathe Him in desperation.
Never mind, just take a pill.
We can feed our aggravation
yet, be aggravated still.

Our drug can be a magnificent dream,
falsely distracting the emotions we need,
wrongly attracting our hearts to decay,
eventually throwing our whole life away.

Thank you for your entry, Trouble.

this isnt a real adiction of mine but i have heard of peope like this




the pain
the letting go
its all i need
need for myself
as the blood runs
down my arm
all my fears went away
the blody knife in my hand
the body at my feet
all i could hear
was the sound of the victims screams
as their throghts were cut
then reality broke into my mind
what had i done!?

Foil Is Her Heaven  


I'm a fool
to think
that she'd love
anything
anything other
than brown sugar
I'm nowhere near
her feelings
she won't hear
my pleadings
it's clear that
she just thinks
foil is heaven .


When she rocks
it up
I'm shit out of luck
she lies
without diguise
saying she's not in love .


I don't
really need it
I've got my methadone
but she'll conceed it
in the name of love
her pipe she cleans out
then laughs
about her lungs
but she doesn't see me
brown sugar
is her god.

His words are a drug
that runs deep in my veins
poison, electricity, fire
and I am addicted to them

They excite me
please me
make me have
sinful dreams of hunger

They make me touch myself
each morning,
at work
every time he writes me

Just like a poisoned needle
they puncture my skin and enter my spirit
I don't even notice
they inflict no pain
they just sneak into my system
like a deadly virus
that fills me up with lust
all I want is his touch

My heart beats like a drum
fires my body
smoke that melts into you
like a dark shadow

Please feed me
Electrify me
Let me taste your devil words
This is your drug
And I want it!

Dear Honey,


http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/x/scheermesje-20865250.jpg

Dear Honey,

You burst into the house,
with tears staining your long sleeved shirt.
Your jeans are torn,
and you're all covered in dirt.

I can see on your face, that today was not good.
I know you're searching for me,
to find release
from the constant abuse.

You lift your pillows,
I ain't there anymore.
You pull at your hair,
it looks like you're hooked on a drug.

Maybe I am your drug,
but not the kind people think,
You keep looking for your secret addiction,
but I've been thrown in the garbage under the sink.

Your Mom found me,
and she put me there.
Along with the tissues soaked with blood,
that you left last night on the chair.

Don't worry,
My honey,
Just buy me again,
Let me ease that pain.
Remember,
I'm only the only that
understands.

Sincerely,
Your Beloved Blade.

Myself

Dark twisted tortured soul,
bleeding from wounds,
some incidental and some self inflicted.
Battered and bruised
but still standing with broken wings and crippled back.
I have crawled through glass and walked through fire to get to where I am,
I have balanced the razored edge
and at times been sliced to pieces.
My addictions are few,
but mean to do me harm should I allow them,
they are brutal in nature and bludgeon my soul,
bend and often fracture my spirit,
and attack my senses on a level unknown by many.

Thought provoking topic, I shall return!

missing


to paste a life in pieces
 
plastered Fentanyl patches

over empty spaces of you
 
and sour orange stripes
- chewing my way to a place where I never saw your face.

 
bitter numbness not me at all
 
over my clothes
 
I look at my arm
 
- foreign to me
 
a tomb for the lies
 
gonna push for the plunge
 
but it pools on the side
 
so I swallow the rest
 
holding my breath until I come true.
 

I kick and dream
 
I gave up food
 
and visions of Achilles; writhing you
 
rise from the corners

 
like black oil covering ice

with a smile -we're through

ripping and cursing the cleanliness of my heart.

my hand reaches out in the stark

morning is wasting and I fade into wallpaper


forever navigating

Anorexia

her name is Anorexia, she wont eat until she die,
eating nothing at all so sick it makes her cry.
not eating away from all just only left the pain.
breeding parasite prevails and leaches on her brain.

taunts her with its strength,
Decisions to be made.
Feeding on her agony, her mirrors never lie.

Stepping on the scale,
praying she loos weight.
all that this is true, her body she just hate.

Hollow eyes and cold skin
her body grew week , fragile and thin.

Anorexia is dying, she needs to take control.
but her body begins to feel dry.

to her she falls deeper in dis pear
its her weight of the world.

Her eyes have lost their sparkle,
and her voice creaks and stumbles..
Thorn bushes growing choking out what little life exists,
acid and fluid slows down this pain she cant resist.

dying, crying, falling , calling,
because she only tells lies.

its seems un real for this china doll.
destroying her self image.

her name is Anorexia, she wont eat until she die.
forever in her grave dried up she will lie.

-Kumiko Yamamoto