The ones you love the most..

I made a mistake
I admit it's my fault
My selfish desire
made me a demon I'm not

Now I hurt you
you have gone silent
You say I don't love
and all I have is obsession

But I must tell you
If I have ever known love
it has been with you
and I known it so much

Take your time
think things through
But know this
I am thinking of you

I try and stand up she'll shoot me back down.
It's a selfish cry, an overwhelming scene..

When velvet stained fingers on these hands belong to me.
By blood at least I call them mine but I've no desire to claim..
Instruments used to grip and cut, no she wants all the blame.

Stop running, I Get IT... she needs the control.
I love her, she's fading, she's sick ...forever in front of this mirror. I'm staring at her ghost.

For Lilly... R. I. P.

we were just mindless kids back then
we lived for adrenalin and welcomed sin
the rambunctious kids who hated any authority
honestly getting fucked up was our only priority

ive grown now but i still struggle with my temptations
trying to find my release and ultimate salvation  
i hate myself now more than ever
because we were going to do everything together

we just got way to caught up in things and fell into a hole
you never got to clime out though and it still fills me with sole
because i should have been the one sixxx feet under by now
instead you unknowingly took my place and i now know how..

Cody kept his word it was really good shit
but at what coast? your only spirit..?
i never shouldve left to get high..
its so fucked up because i know im the reason you died..

goddess, i swear i didn't know
that hes that one who stole
all the pills from that fucking junkie
i just thought id score from some dumb flunky

can you ever forgive me where ever you are?
are you the eyes watching me in every star?
i can feel you when your presence is near me..
are you trying to tell me its ok, you've been set free?

why do you still come to me in my dreams?
to replay the moment i realized it was your screams..
and i can smell the sulfur emanating from the gun..
ill never forget the hysteria i felt when i knew you were gone

that was the first time i ever had a bad trip
all i could understand was the blood that dripped
and that it was your death that haunted my mind
along with the hatred i developed for all of mankind

so why do i still crave for a fix?
why did i once degrade myself into turning tricks..
i had to numb myself from the burden ill always carry
that im the reason you rode the styx ferry

i never should have left you there
alone in a house with people who didn't care..
but im slowly learning to forgive myself
with your kind guidance and natures blessed help

ill never forget you and all the joy you brought me
so im writing this cause i just don't know how else to say im sorry
i practice the old religion just like you once did
so i can see the way you smiled at me when we were kids